The Idiots Behind Vampire Knight
by chika1345
Summary: New slowly being revised in entirety version. 2idiots, american idiots stumble in VK. who keeps callin Aidou? Who stole Kane's clothes? Silent room? Coconuts&swallows? Want2play a game? Can you hear me now? POCKY!... like we said idiots. Adventure random
1. Chapter 1 Blank Check

Blank Check

**DISCLAIMER: OWN NOTHING VAMPIRE KNIGHT OTHERWISE I WOULDN'T BE WRITING FANFICS.**

This is just some stupid gibberish of American idiots behind vampire knight. We kind of did it for our own fun because we have so many inside jokes about Vampire Knight –that we love- and wanted our friends across the states to read.

By: Kourtney, Co-made by Sherry, Lillian, and random box guy… we're idiots.

Cross Academy sat pristine and dominating, an elegant white school that said to the world I am prestigious and only for students who wish to learn and accept the world. It was a school forged to slowly help humans and vampires become friends. A school where a young girl named Yuuki Cross guarded and protected the day class from the night class… though it often seemed otherwise.

Sadly Cross Academy had no idea what was to befall it nor did Yuuki have any concept at how much harder her job would soon become due two diseases that would plague the school.

The invasion.

Of two American… girls.

Not just one or three, but two.

Two female American students perused around the campus inquisitively. Their Converse covered feet not quite matching their uniforms, then again their uniforms went against regulation as did their shoes. Ama wore bright purple shoes and Shera wore orange, their uniforms had been bedazzled and had iron on patches of flowers on Ama's and butterflies on Shera's. A small peace sign adorned Ama's high top Converses.

It was their first day. Their first day at a school in Japan and they were but humble, precious, little, innocent, Americans wanting a chance at bonding and seeing the Japanese world… on the outside. In reality they were as cruel as hell… at least that's what the night and day class would soon find out.

"What the hell? Why do we have to wear uniforms?" Ama cried adjusting her stuffy feeling uniform. "I don't want to conform, man," growled Ama raising up her hippy fist.

"I don't know about you, but I feel cute," muttered Shera as she watched a crowd gather around a pair of iron gates, the day was coming to a close and the two had spent most of the day looking around the campus getting familiarized with their surroundings. "Whats over there?" Shera pointed adorably.

"I don't know, but they're chanting names. Maybe a bunch of celebrities go to this school!" Ama hissed grabbing Shera's hand and pulling her closer to the throng of girls screaming, "Aidou! Idol-senpai! Kane-senpai!"

"What does senpai mean? Is it like a center," Shera asks opening up her Japanese to English dictionary. "What does Aidou mean?"

"I don't know," said Ama rubbing her head curiously, "did they say Idol or Eye-dough?"

"Eye dough know," Shera giggled. Ama shook her head at her friend and her obsession with puns.

As the doors opened, a glow came from the gateways, as if it were the gates of Heaven itself about to reveal a crowd of angels. You could hear the lilting voices of angels behind the doors as they pushed forward. Ama and Shera's eyes widened wondering who lay behind the doors as a pair of doves flew overhead.

……

"What the hell?" Ama growled with a complete let down as they saw the students file out. "They look like normal students," growled Ama watching what appeared normal yet not so normal, hot, dazzling students. Then again to these two anyone not American was hot.

"Aidou! Aidou-senpai!"

"It must be a person," Shera cried as if she had found out the meaning to life itself and must be heard.

"Kane look at me Kane-senpai."

"Oh sugar-" Shera breathed.

"-Kane," Ama finished with a smirk.

"Which one is Aidou, and which is Kane?"

"Lets find out," replied Ama wickedly poking Shera's arm as she shouted over the crowd. "Yo Aidou! Your fly is unzipped!" He turned his head. "Kane you owe me money!" Kane glanced around as well. The two cousins turned around and the crowd froze glaring at the two new girls, you could feel the thick cloud of tension that you could cut with a knife. "That one is Aidou and that one is Kane," said Ama nonchalantly explaining to Shera. Aidou was quickly checking his zipper and he shouted back, "No it isn't!"

"I don't owe you money! I don't know you," came Kane's reply.

"Sorry, thought it was unzipped. And you do owe me money Mr. Senpai! You just wasted my time," Ama said tossing her brown hair over her shoulder before looking to Shera, who had a ladybug in her hair. Ama did not understand that Senpai was not Kane's last name but a show of respect with the students. The tension flooded from the crowd. A few girls glared at Ama for making such a rude statement to their beloved Kane-senpai. Ama didn't even notice the glares for she was so busy helping Shera get the precious lady bug out of her hair without being killed by her flinging arms.

The two vampire students just looked at each other, "She probably just wanted my attention," replied Aidou primping himself as he fixed his hair back, Kane rolled his eyes, and Aidou decided to dazzle the woman who had so 'obviously' tried to get his attention by doing his bang fingers to Ama. She pointedly looked at him and gave him the loser sign before turning back to her friend Shera who was petting the ladybug in her hand lovingly. Aidou was stunned for a moment, you could see an anime question mark forming above his head. Aidou glared at this obviously not Japanese newcomer, and turned his attention to the fans whom he knew would adore him. _She meant that sign for Kane, that must be it, _he thought to himself and quickly forgot about the incident. Shera set free the ladybug.

Shera is busy taking pictures of the students and the beautiful architecture of the school, "Its like a castle. I wonder if Beauty and the Beast lives here," giggled Shera.

"Do they have a mall here?" Ama asked tiredly.

"Beauty is a common name for princesses… Sleeping beauty… beauty with the beast…"

"Do they have a flea market?" Ama asks as her finger on her chin pondering. Shera snaps out of it, "Even if they had a flea market we don't have any money." Suddenly Shera's eyes brightened as she beamed, "I have an idea!" Ama's attention quickly turns towards Shera. "Hmm… well this may work… I'm gonna get an autograph just in case they're famous," squealed Shera whipping out something that appeared like something you write on… then again when looked at closer… but we can't look any closer because Shera ran through the throng and pushed through the small girl named Yuuki Cross to get to the cutest Asian guy she could see.

"Excuse meeee, pardon meee," squeaked Shera trying her best to assert herself, but it's not really working with her attitude so Ama says, "Screw that we don't have all the time in the world," and just pushes her friend through the crowd. Shera gets pushed into a peppy cute blond and just looks up innocently, "I'm so sorry!"

The blond says, "Its fine. Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Shera feels bad for what she's about to do but just nods and smiles.

"I have a favor to ask of you," Shera says her foot pushiong at the gravel nervously in false pretense.

"Um… sure."

"Can I have your autograph?" Shera asked pointedly, no bowing, no scraping, just standing there, like a curious puppy stares at a car that's coming straight for them, and holding out her whatever it was along with a pen to Ichijo.

"Uh. Sure," replied Ichijo signing quickly across the paper as Ama came up behind Shera. Ichijo looks at both of them curiously and says, "Who are you two?"

"The new exchange students," piped Shera. "My real names Sherry, but we decided to try and make our names Japanese sounding… so I'm Shera Mitsubishi! This is Amanda, but we call her Ama BMW!" Ichijo stared blankly at the two Americans before saying very bluntly, "That's a German car."

"Duh, my grandpa's car is German. We can't all afford Japanese cars like Shera."

"Please don't break out of line. It will only encourage the others!" Yuuki whined as she tried to withhold the females screaming behind her emboldened at Shera and Ama's actions. Ama whipped around and glared at the girls hotly. Her death glare was one that made Zero seem like a laughing infant when he glared at the girls.

"Yo! SHUT UP FOO'!" The tone went down in the crowd, though there were still quite murmurs. "Do you honestly think you're going to get their attention screaming like banshees? Its really disgraceful not to treat people like normal beings, yah know."

"Yay!" Shera squealed looking at the paper in her hands Ichijo had signed, "Now we have money to pay for school!" She flashed the check at Ama who smirked as Ichijo's eyes widened and he immediately lunged for Shera.

"What!? Give that back!" Shera giggled and ran off through the throng of girls with Ama following behind her. It was futile for Takuma Ichijo to go into the crowd who had resumed their squeals while Ama and Shera ran away to fill out the blank check. "We're having fish tonight," shouted Shera, "And pocky! A roomful of pocky!"

* * *

As the night class exits out of their lessons, Shera is standing there waiting for Takuma Ichijo. Takuma comes out of the classroom with a sad cloud aura above him. He had been sweating like a pig worrying if he would see any of his money ever again. Shera hands the check to Ichijo. Ama watches in the background leaning casually against the tree with Zero holding her arm as Yuuki makes her way to them.

"What are you guys doing out of your dorms?" Zero asks gripping tightly onto Ama's arm trying to cause her pain and make her feel bad for her actions, she merely flexes her muscles. He lets go as Ama grins, "What? You know you liked it."

"I repeat, what were you doing out of your dorms?" Zero says in his usual annoyed attitude.

"Returning something of Ichijo's. Chill Zorro."

"Its Zero," growled the prefect back to Ama.

"Its Zorro to me, baby. You can use your sword to brand me any day," growls Ama casting a wink to the prefect. Zero touches his neck where he has his own brand, "Was that supposed to be humorous?"

"Look, we're going to return to our rooms just give us a moment Zorro baby. Unless you're here to follow us… stalker." Zero immediately inches himself away from her, his eyes glowed at her furiously, "I'm not a stalker."

"Then don't stalk those who wish not to be stalked."

"Its my job to follow meddling students."

"But we're not meddling. So, therefore you're just a stalker. But I will admit Yuuki is an adorable sidekick." Yuuki tries to step between the two with her hands up feeling odd at the tension between the two. Zero rolls his eyes and crosses his arms looking away, it had been a long night for him.

"I'm sorry for making you worry," Shera breathed stepping up to Ichijo and handing him the check. "It was meant as a joke, Itchy."

"Its Ichijo-sama."

"Ichijo."

"Um… that's a little too familiar," Ichijo said blushing at such familiarity.

"But, I want to be your friend," Shera's eyes twinkle hopefully.

"Okay," he sighs, completely relieved that the two didn't use the check.

"Don't worry we did nothing…"

**-FLASHBACK-**

Shera is pressing the check to the copier and making as many copies of Ichijou's signature upon the checks as possible giggling maniacally. She makes out checks for $100 and photocopies Ichijou's signature upon all of them. Shera had decided that if Ama and her withdrew small increments of money Ichijou would never notice.

**-END FLASHBACK-**

"It was nice meeting you _Ichijo_," smiles Shera brightly as she skips off with Ama walking quietly behind her while Zero -stalks- after them making sure they get to their room and Yuuki stares on wonderingly at Kaname-senpai's left eyebrow, so deep in love is she with the sadistic hot vampire.

As they leave Shera pulls out her Ipod and says as they walk away, "Its time for music karma!"

Ama cries out happily, "Yay music karma! That's always fun! Music karma rules the world!"

And as they walk away with the prefects following behind them making sure that the American girls get back to their rooms a song plays along them.

" 'There she was just walking down the street singing do wah-diddy diddy dum diddy do,'" they sang as they walked away, one earplug in Ama's ear and another in Shera's. Yuuki tilts her head in confusion wondering what 'music karma' was. Zero merely walks ahead thinking they're idiots and its just something that Americans normally do. Not that he'd met many Americans.


	2. Chapter 2 Party Like Its Your Birthday

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. If I did I would make it funnier and more Aidou oriented.**

_These stories will follow the episode guide. However in between most of the episodes we have filler chapters. Just in case anything confuses you. In time we will explain Music Karma for those unaware of such a magical thing. We are revising these chapters because we felt they lacked something. Common sense yes but that should be expected for this story._

Party Like Its Your Birthday

Yuuki is thinking to herself as her and Zero follow the night class students to the moon dormitory.

**-Flashback-**

"Why do you two do this kind of thing?" Yuuki asked wondering about why noble vampires would they take their time to attack a level E vampire where there are vampire hunters to do it for them?

"If it interests you, come to the Moon Dormitory tonight," Ichijo told Yuuki sheathing his sword now that the task of killing off the level E had been completed. Shiki popped in a piece of pocky into his mouth and turned to walk away. Life was so boring for Shiki at the moment.

**-End flashback-**

Yuuki drew even closer to Zero as they came to the party noticing the haunting air of all the vampires. Beautiful people; all drinking blood from champagne glasses. It disturbed her how intently their eyes followed her.

"Welcome to my birthday party," Ichijo says happily. Yuuki stares at him dumbly.

"What?"

"Ah… well um, I wanted you to come and now that you're here I can explain to you…"

"Why couldn't you explain earlier?"

"I wanted to hang out," sulked Ichijo. "Do you not want to hang out with me?" His bottom lip quivered.

"No! No! That isn't it at all."

"It is our duty and authority to destroy those who we created. It was _our_ fault and therefore it is _our_ responsibility," Ichijo said pointedly staring at Zero who glared back at him.

"Yuuki," beckoned Kaname. "Come." His hands motioned her forward and as Yuuki walked ahead up the stairs, completely forgetting Ichijo and Zero, towards the center of her desires. Kaname-senpai. Zero followed behind her not liking the way the prince of the vampires looked at Yuuki like a piece of meat. Nor did he like the way Ruka was growling under her breath but then again that girl was obsessive over Kaname-senpai and couldn't take a hint.

As Yuuki made her way up the stairs to sit beside Kaname-senpai, Ichijo just sighed and watched her leave. _Way to go Kaname, _Ichijo thought to himself, _always steal the pretty ones and never let us make friends. And isn't that the whole point of this school? Yuuki is the only human you let us speak to… then again our dear leader is only thinking of us, _Ichijo thought his eyes gleaming immediately at the thought of his close friend.

Ichijo then looked at his tall 7 layered cake and sighed wondering why no one had gotten a piece yet. Just as he leaned forward to cut himself a slice, two young scantily clad women emerged from within the cake yelling out, "Wahoo! Happy bachelor party Kyon-kyon." The two girls took in Ichijo's shocked face, his eyes nearly popping out of his face. "Ichijo-sama," smiled Ama, "What are you doing here?" Shera nudged Ama and glanced around, "I don't think we're at the bachelor party for Kyo Sohma."

"What? Did you get the right directions Ama BMW?" Shera asked poking Ama. Ama looked carefully at her map and directions wiping the icing off of it to get a better look of the map.

"I looked online and printed it out so I just followed the symbols…"

"Do you know what they mean stu-uuupid?" Ichijo blinked repeatedly, rubbed his eyes, pinched himself, and then stared at them. _Nope, they're real, _he thought to himself.

"…Kinda. Up means up and down means down right? Who you calling stupid, you stu-uupid!"

"You don't have it the right way, stupid!" Shera turned the map around in Ama's hands.

"Oh my bad! Japanese people read differently. I am stupid!" She'd been reading the directions backwards to the men who had dropped off the cake so they had merely dropped the girls off somewhere else considering they couldn't make out a single thing the American's were saying.

"You're not stupid," Shera immediately said patting her friend on the back, "everyone gets something wrong sometimes."

Ichijo's eye twitched as he took in these two lovely women that had jumped out of his cake, these two annoying women. _**BAM! **_It hit him. _I've seen these two before! They're the exchange students… I think. _He glanced up at Kaname who was too talkative with Yuuki-san to notice the two women standing in the middle of the cake. All the other vampires however were rapt with attention on the two girls. It wasn't everyday that they saw two girls come out of a cake. Aidou-senpai immediately ran over and bowed low before the scantily clad women, "May I help you out of the cake?" He reached out to take Shera's hand and helped her down as well as Ama, though both got a small bit of icing on their feet when they stepped down from the cake onto the ground.

"Xyz Eye-dough," Ama said eyeing Aidou with a smirk on her lips. Aidou froze staring at this beauty, looked down, and then it hit him as well. _Dammit! Its her,_ he thought to himself glaring at Ama.

"This isn't some bachelor party," huffed Ichijo still looking the two up and down wondering if these two could really be the exchange students, "Its my birthday."

"Oh well,then…Happy birthday, Ichijo!" smiled Ama and Shera! Ama reached down to swipe up the icing on her leg and placed it quickly in her mouth. Aidou was a quiver with watchfulness suddenly. Two women in bikini tops and shorts emerging out of a cake, it seemed like it was _his_ birthday wish and not Ichijo's. Though he wished the other woman was someone different.

"I'm hungry," Ama said when she caught Aidou looking at her, "I haven't eaten in twelve hours."

"Well… um okay… so no bachelor party. We kind of figured out it wasn't a bachelor party when we saw you. I mean you didn't exactly get excited and throw dollar bills like the other ones," said Shera with her cute innocent voice.

"Ah…are you _really_ the new exchanged students?" asked Ichijo remembering the girls who took his check and then kindly gave it back, the same girls who supposedly were wearing scanty clothing in front of him… This was a prestigious school wasn't it? _How did Cross Kaien let them in? What did they-… nevermind. I don't think I want to know. Is this what they do to pay for this school? _Which reminded him he was somehow $100 short today though he couldn't think of how… Shiki walked over wanting to slice himself a piece of cake. "May I… no offense… don't take this wrong… not that it is wrong but- why were you in a cake?" Ichijo stuttered trying to find appropriate words and not being able to think of any. _They never taught this in Ettiquite Class._

"Well," said Shera thinking with her wide bright eyes, "it started as delivery service and then some guy said 'Want to make money quick honey' which was rather rude because he didn't know us, but I like the word honey…"

"Long story short," cut in Ama abruptly knowing her friend would get off on a long tangent of small tid bits that Ama had no recollection of that concerned Vegas and coconuts along with the ratio of a swallow, "we jump out of cakes and its exciting and fun and we meet new people, mostly guys though with the exceptional girls and those girls are rather odd…"

"Yeah, they always give us weird looks and sometimes I think they're hitting on us," murmured Shera wide eyed and child-like, a complete oxymoron to how she was dressed.

All the rest of the vampires had resumed their boring-ness of chatting and licking blood off each other realizing that something too exciting like two odd girls jumping out of a cake was simply too happy and energetic for them to notice completely since Kaname also hadn't noticed. Boring vampires.

Ichijo held out the knife for Shiki who immediately pulled it out of his hand so fast that it cut Ichijo's finger. "I'm sorry. What a waste." Shiki leaned forward and placed Ichijo's finger in his mouth licking off the blood.

"I hope you don't abuse me personally," replied Ichijo.

"Oh! So you're gay," cried out Shera clapping her hands excitedly like she had just won Who Wants to Be a Millionaire! "It makes sense since you don't have a girlfriend and you're like really adorable."

"You think I'm adorable," blushed Ichijo before his mind clicked together and began working "I am not gay," growled Ichijo as Aidou pulled out a camera from his pocket and began taking pictures of Ama and Shera. The two start posing, Ama jumping into Shera's arms happily. "Wow people here are really nice," smiled Shera!

"Uh huh, tell me what this looks like," Ama hissed, hoping to get Ichijo to come out of the closet, dipping her hand in the cake and placing it in front of Shera's face. "They're doing it! Why don't you lick my finger clean?" Aidou almost had a heart attack from happiness… If Aidou had died then he would've been happy in his death.

"You see that's kind of gay and I'm not going to do that," replied Shera, "unlike some people," her eyes stayed on Ichijo and Shiki with obvious meaning. The two squirmed under her gaze bitterly.

"Whose going to lick my finger off then," cried Ama. Aidou was about to fulfill one of his 56.9 fantasies, which he would have to mark off his list of 'Things to do Before I Die,' when Shiki leaned forward and licked it off. Ama made a grossed out face and hastily wiped her hand on her shorts. She was not attracted by this pretty boy at all, despite how good he looked in those modeling pictures.

"There," Shiki murmured retracting his tongue from her newly cleaned finger, "We're not gay."

"Well _you_ may not be gay," murmured Ama, "but Ichijo has yet to prove that he isn't." Aidou pocketed his camera and immediately couldn't hold himself in. It was too tempting these little girls. He reached out and grasped Ama's chin facing her towards him.

"Hello beautiful. You look even more delicious than the cake," he murmured as smoothly as possible for a playboy. Hell, even if she did lie to him about his zipper maybe she was merely seeking his attention. And oh she had caught his short attention span tonight dressed the way she was.

Ama's eyes flashed fire at being hit on by Aidou. She jerked her face out of his hands and smiled coyly, "Oh, but once you get a taste of me you'll find that I'm far too gritty for you." Aidou immediately took that as an open invitation. Shiki and Ichijo knew other-wise, this girl disliked Aidou-senpai for his pompousness, his big-headedness, and his just plain Aidou-ness. She took her hand in his kissing it gently with every wrong intention in her head waiting for the moment Aidou let his guard down completely, which would be coming up rather soon. Shera walked around to Aidou's back and began to rub his shoulders saying, "You'll find that both of us are gritty."

"You really don't want to mess with them, Aidou," warned Shiki. Even though it had been mere minutes of knowing these two girls Shiki and Ichijo just knew after the gay marathon of questions that these girls were diabolical.

"Yes I do," grinned Aidou feeling like he just won the lottery and come to Nirvana.

"No you don't," replied Takuma and Shiki together.

…………

.....................................

….Five seconds later.

"Ow! You're so mean," cried Aidou as Ama twisted his arm around his back leaving it in a very uncomfortable position. Shera whacked him upside the head and gave him a wet willy.

"Say 'I'm a sleezebag,'" Ama growled into his ear.

" 'I'm a sleezebag."

" 'I'm not a player I've just never gotten any,'" she hissed as Shera deciding that Ama had things taken care of glanced back at Shiki and Takuma Ichijo.

"I'm not a player… I've just… never… never…"

"Say it," beckoned Ama.

"Never gotten any," huffed Aidou as Ama released his arm and left him falling to the ground crying as he held his poor widdle arm.

"Wait! Back on topic," Ichijo said one more time. "What was the circumstances that led to you two being trapped in a cake? Were there no other jobs for you two to fill?"

"… I did work at McDonalds once… but the horrors I saw there were worse than what we see now," Ama said ominously.

"Well Ichijo this school isn't exactly cheap. And it appears we'll probably be fired, and have made no money tonight because of being delivered to the wrong place," sighed Shera. "And whose fault is that?"

"I'm sorry," muttered Ama guiltily as an anime rain cloud hovered over her head.

"We'll pay you for tonight if you want," replied Ichijo immediately feeling sympathetic to these two evil women despite it went beyond his better judgment to pay for two girls who made a living popping out of cakes._ They couldn't be all that bad especially if one of them disliked Aidou._

"Well that'd be nice… but you can pay us tomorrow. We know you want to get back to your party… that we're not invited to… cause we pop out of cakes… and we're not your friends though we returned your check and didn't fill it out," Shera sighed looking so distraught and tearful, "We'll just be leaving now…. Never to return. To this awesome party you're having… which seems to be loads of fun since there's no dancing and we would love to cheer you up but you know we weren't invited… here… to this party… at this moment in time…" She turned her back casting a forlorn glance back at Ichijo. The birthday boy blinks for a moment trying to hold in his laughter as his mind thought, _Desperate much?… You know what I like these girls! They're cute!_

"You can stay," he sighed watching their enthusiasm immediately shine through their faces which cheered him up in turn.

"Yay," Shera cried immediately pulling Ama into a hug. "You guys are pretty decent for vampires," smiled Shera. Shiki and Ichijo froze, Aidou's whimpering stilled. There was silence as crickets chirped.

"What? What makes you say that?" Ichijo asked nervously, eyes bug wide.

"No its ok. We're okay with vampires you're both people after all," replied Shera.

"Yeah, if we can be okay with our gay friends why can't we be okay with our vampire friends? You both suck after all," replied Ama. (Author's note: We have no problem with gay people, just thought it was funny). Shiki who'd been drinking a class of suspiciously looking red Kool-aid, at least that's what it appeared to Ama and Shera, immediately spurted out the drink accidentally snorting as he did so and ended up coughing desperately to get the liquid out of his nose.

"That's what you get for underage drinking," muttered Ama after having assumed the drink was wine and not Kool-aid.

"How do you know we're vampires?" Aidou asked.

"Because you're cold and you're hot and you didn't deny it. I mean you had that air about you that just screamed vampire. And you know come on your Moon Dormitory looks like a castle compared to our dorm rooms. It looked dark, mysterious, like Wuthering Heights… simple answer: vampires," sighed Ama listing off all the reasons on her fingers.

"I'm not gay," pleaded Ichijo.

"Its okay that you're gay. I know a lot of vampires are gay. Don't think I haven't seen _Interview with a Vampire_," murmured Shera as Ichijo repeated once more very sternly as manly as he could puffing up his chest to make it appear he had muscle, "I am not gay."

The two girls glanced around them, their gazes landing upon Kaname hugging Yuuki possessively.

"Why does she get to sit by him? I wanna be hugged by him. Man she da ho. She got Zero and Kaname," breathed Shera.

"No she Kaname's ho," replied Ama.

As Yuuki is brought close by Kaname someway, somehow, some miraculous miracle happens. Shera and Ama's heads pop up behind Yuuki and Kaname on the couch. "Hello! Can we join?"

Ichijo and Shiki look at the spots where the two girls had been standing beside them wondering: _How the hell did they move so fast? I thought we could only do that. _This let them know that Shiki and Ichijo had been right, these girls weren't ordinary and very well could've been the spawn of Satan. Though Ichijo didn't mind getting to know them better.

"Yeah, yeah scoot over," murmured Shera plopping down between Kaname and Yuuki and draping an arm across Kaname's broad, manly, mouthwatering, salivating worthy, shoulders. Ama goes to stand by Zero, "Aren't you uncomfortable standing up so long?"

Luckily Kaname-sama is distracted by Zero who places a gun to Kaname's head. Shera and Ama look at each other with widened eyes as Shera says purposefully, "Oh what's that? I hear someone over there… yeah what's that Ichijo?" Ichijo stared at the two women so far away from him, _What? I didn't say anything._ "He needs us over there where there _aren't_ any guns. Yeah we got to go." They rushed off the porch as things got tense between Kaname and Zero.

The two women suddenly appeared beside Ichijo and Aidou, once more oddly fast without either noticing how they came to be near them so quickly.

"Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight," the two girls chorused in whispered unison since now Shera and Ama are too far from Zero to shoot them they feel it safe enough to be as annoying as possible. Then again they could use Ichijo as a shield should that happen. Shiki rolled his eyes and Ichijo's hand smacked his forehead as he thought, _Oy! They're cute but oy._

Hoping to break the awkwardness Ichijo immediately called out, "Its my birthday! Lets celebrate!" Ama and Shera seeing Ichijo in distress decided to try and help the noble as they began to dance around him to the music that Shiki immediately turned on. Ama and Shera twirled Ichijo and bumped hips with him putting him in the center of their attention as they cried out, "Wahoo! Go Ichijo! Go Itchy! Go Itchy! Its your birthday! Yeah for real though! We gonna party like its your birthday!"

"Wahoo! Party like you're alive," shouted Shera grabbing hold of Shiki and forcing him to dance with her who stood like a statue not knowing whether he was okay with this or not while she danced holding his hands. Yuuki ran out of the place chasing after Zero.

"Poor Kaname-sama just got burned," hissed Ama still bumping booties with Takuma Ichijo. Soon other vampires finally decided not to be boring and started dancing with the small crowd soon making its number get bigger and bigger.

"You see what happens when you play nice with humans," grinned Shera.

To get even more people dancing, Shera popped on Michael Jackson's 'Thriller.'

"Come on guys you should know this dance by heart," shouted Shera.

"Those were werewolves," Ichijo laughed smiling brightly.

"But those were werewolves," muttered Shiki quietly. His voice grabbed Shera's attention who immediately realized there was someone else near her other than Ichijo and Aidou… and she'd danced with him without realizing she knew not his name. _He's a looker though, _she thought to herself. _I wonder what his name is. He looks like a Tiki. Yes Tiki sounds right for him because his hair is all stuck up like a tiki head, _she mused not knowing how close his name really was to her guess.

As Ama and Shera lifted their arms up to twirl around they soon realized Aidou and Shiki had walked off leaving them with the overly bubbly Ichijo. The birthday boy decided to be nice and walked off playing the graceful host going to get the two girls something to drink.

Rima ran into Ama and Shera on the dance floor and the two immediately took the opportunity to get an unanswered question. Would they ask how the vampire race was spawned? How terrible the vampire race must feel having to dine on the blood of the innocents? If humans had evolved into vampires? Perhaps why Kaname seemed so alone?… No the two girls asked an even more important question.

"Is the red head gay?"

"Its Shiki," growled Rima.

"Oh its like Tiki except Shiki," exclaimed Shera happily throwing a victory arm in the air after realizing her guess had come so close to his real name.

"No he's my fiancée," answered Rima.

"So… Tom Cruise is married but that doesn't mean anything," pondered Shera aloud.

"That is so true," said Ama.

"I don't want to talk about it," replied Rima quickly, and then a look came into her eyes as she wrapped her arms around Ama and Shera, "So… are you new to this school? I'm Rima."

"Aw! You're so sweet! I like you," smiled Shera completely oblivious of the hit-on, "wahoo free orientation."

"Orientation of what may I ask?" Ama breathed completely noticing how close Rima was to them and Shera's I-pod suddenly went off blaring, 'I'm coming out! Want the world to know. Gotta let it show.' Taking the music as her cue Ama jerked on Shera's arm.

"Um… Shera we've got to go find Shiki-Tiki, Aidou, and Ichijo… they've got to pay us," replied Ama grabbing Shera's hand, "Good-bye Ringo," she called out to Rima.

"Its Rima."

"Whatever Ringo," replied Ama as she jerked Shera towards the trees after the two male vampires hoping to get her bubbly-headed friend away from the open invitation to make out-ness.

"No you're saying it wrong," huffed Shera as Ama jerked her through the trees.

"What the hell! I'm sorry Ringo," called out Ama.


	3. Chapter 3 Can You Call Me Now

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Vampire Knight.**

Can You Call Me Now?

Ama and Shera were taking their sits getting ready for class. Shera sat there listening to her Ipod mouthing the lyrics to, "Hips don't lie" by Shakira and bobbing her head back and forth. Ama at that moment was making a to do list called 'Things to do Before I Die' on a sheet of paper that she would probably never ever finish.

_I need to do my laundry at least once before I die… do they have a laundry mat here? They don't have a flea market so would they have a laundry mat? Do they even wear different clothes? I wonder if they can tell I've worn this uniform two days straight… _Ama sniffs her jacket and smirks nodding to herself thinking her outfit smelled okay. Shera begins doing the 'cabbage patch' while Ama glanced around to see if anyone saw her sniff her jacket._ Hmm… still good for another day on the uniform thing. I need to do my homework at least once too, and not take Aidou's homework when he's out of his room. Find a new job... not McDonald's or anything involving cakes and swallows with coconuts. Do something to torment Aidou's life… He's cute, but cocky so he deserves a hate fan… Find a Halloween costume though its September… Switch the girls bathroom sign with the boys sign. I've got it! Put a 'Caution Wet Floor' sign over the carpet in Aidou's bathroom right next to the toilet. Man, Kane would wonder how it got wet. Mwahaha. Put a 'Kick me' sign on Kaname's back would be interesting. That's probably how I would die. _And that concluded Ama's list of the to do before she died by Kaname's hands… for at least today.

That's when something flew by Ama's head, an airplane, that caught Ama's attention and she turned her head catching sight of Yuuki who had just plopped down beside her. "Hey Yuuki-chan," squeaked Ama suddenly taking interest. If hot Kaname liked her and Zero tolerated her when he couldn't tolerate a cute kitten she had to be okay. And she annoyed the hell out of Aidou for being close to Kaname, which made her okay in Ama's book.

"Hey," Yuuki smiled glanced over at Shera with a quirked brow, "what's she doing?"

"Oh she's listening to Shakira's 'Hips Don't Lie'," Ama stated after glancing at Shera's lips and making out what she was mouthing in a matter of seconds.

"Isn't that song really um… provocative…"

"Um yeah… she doesn't know that... Its Shera," was Ama's explanation.

Suddenly Shera felt a vibration beside her feet. Shera immediately jumped up on the table and screamed.

"Whats wrong? Whats wrong?"

"I felt a thump thump beside my foot," she squeaked. Ama stared at her friend incredulous as to what a 'thump thump' was. Yuuki, being the prefect she was, investigated for her new cute friends and raised up the phone without looking at it, "It's a cellphone!"

"No shit Sherlock," said Zero plopping down in a seat behind said prefect.

"Oh that's Ama's phone," Shera immediately said reaching outa nd grabbing the phone.

"What? No my phone is-" Shera placed a hand over her friend's mouth and gave her a deadpan gaze, "Its your phone Ama." Ama just gulped and nodded only having seen Shera's deadpan gaze 4 times in her life, the first time was on the playground when someone took Shera's lollipop.

"Oh, okay," smiled Yuuki sitting back in her seat. Zero just stared at the two as if he didn't believe a word Shera said, which he didn't, but then again Zero has trust issues. Ama glanced at Shera as they got back in their seats and Ama mouthed to Shera, 'That isn't my phone.' Shera flashed her the cover of the newly found cell phone that said in bright bedazzling sparkling Barbie vomit pink letters on the side: Ruka.

'Why her?' Ama mouthed as Yuuki was called to Cross Kaien's class just before class even started.

'She knows people,' mouthed back Shera as a lightbulb went off in Ama's head and she suddenly began adding all of the numbers of the night class into her own cell phone as she looks over Shera's shoulder at the digits that pop up. As soon as she was done Ama sat there twiddling her thumbs with a bored Shera.

By this time Shera has discarded the phone throwing it over her shoulder allowing the cellphone to hit smack into Zero's head. He groaned in pain and shot Shera a menacing glare.

"Sorry Zorro," hissed Ama.

"Its Zero."

"Whatever."

"This is Ruka's phone. Not yours."

"No shit Sherlock," Ama said with a smirk repeating what he'd said earlier, "You're the prefect right? Return it to her later."

"Want to call Aidou-senpai?" Shera smirks knowing full well the name of the vampire her friend loathed. Ama opens her book, places it in front of her so the teacher doesn't see, then again he's fallen asleep and is just letting the powerpoint video run for the class, and dials the number on her phone; star 69-ing her number so it couldn't be traced. One ring and an answer. Aidou really didn't disappoint.

"Hello. This is Aidou, who is this?"

"Can you hear me now?"

"Yes I can hear you perfectly."

"Can you hear me now?" Behond her ero mouths 'Whose that?' Shera answers 'Aidou.' The prefect actually begins snickering and warms up to the girls realizing they were tormenting one of the night class students. He leaned forward and listened in on the fun.

"Yes I can hear you just fine. Now really who is this?" Aidou huffed.

"Can you hear me now?" Ama piped in a squeaky voice.

"Yes I'm a vampire –OW! Baka," cried Aidou being slapped by Kaname, his second slap of the day.

"Don't tell everyone that calls you idiot," growled Kaname. "Jeez, letting out that we're vampires to everyone on a phone," murmured Kaname, "Baka."

"Its not like they know who I am… Wait. Do you know who I am?"

"Can you hear me… now?"

"Yes I can hear you," stomped Aidou! "Do you know me? Do I know you? You've got to know me! I'm Aidou! Everyone knows me! You know me! You called me! Tell me you know me!" Zero had slipped under his desk and fallen out of his chair laughing into his hands by now.

Silence. Aidou sighed happily believing the other line was conceding and about to actually talk to them.

"Can… you hear me now?"

"ARGH!" Aidou hung up the phone.

"My turn! My turn! How about Shiki-chan?" Shera asked taking Ama's phone and dialing his number. Zero wiped away his tears of laughter and peeked at the two from over his desk smirking.

"Hello?"

"Oh Shiki! We just got a great shoot for you tomorrow!"

"Whose this?"

"Oh its me… Yu…chi. Yuchi! The new girl! Anyway your agent told me to call you and tell you about the shoot tomorrow. Its at two in the afternoon. Now I know you dislike doing hours in the sun but this one pays big! And I mean BIG! They want to take a few pics and then possibly talk to you about a contract to be in a commercial if not in a movie!"

"What? Really?! Where do I go?"

"Let me check that address. I'm looking through the folder as we speak," Shera breathed quickly ushering Ama to look through her cell phone for an address, any address. "But I really think this will be a great break for you." Ama held up an address on her phone that she'd googled smirking evilly.

"Yes, 125 Dray… Drayma-chi Road. But there's something you must wear to it. A purple suit and you must walk with a cane. Trust me you will be a shoe in," squeaked Shera thinking quickly as she strung together a load of bullshit! "They are looking for someone who is sophisticated enough to pull off purple, it's the color that means passion! And the cane is for the movie and commercial they're thinking of, an aristocrat whose been badly wounded who can use his cane as a weapon to any who challenge him! Will you be able to make it there?"

"Definitely."

"Break a leg," chuckled Shera closing the phone. "We shouldn't miss tomorrow. Though we shouldn't get too close. Think he'll hate us."

"If he finds out we're the ones who made him walk to the strip club."

"Well he'll probably like a strip club. He's a man after all."

"It's a strip club… for gay males," replied Ama. "Now we get to see if he's as straight as he says he is."

"Please take pictures," chuckled Zero, "I'm going to be on patrol duty and I don't want to miss that."

"Sure thing Zorro."

"Its Zer- Ah what the hell. Call me what yah want," he grunted with a small grin playing across his lips.

At that time Yuuki came walking back in and sat back down next to the two American exchange students. "So, what did I miss?" Yuuki asked innocently as the three borke out into laughter and shook their heads.

"Nothing Yuuki," chuckled Zero reaching over and ruffling her hair. That's when "You spin my head right round right round baby go round…" began playing on Shera's Ipod as she smirked up eyeing Zero and Yuuki, "Music karma," she nodded.

"What's music karma?" Yuuki asked not getting what was happening as Zero blushed and looked away. He didn't know what music karma was but that song and the look Shera had given him had made him fearful that Yuuki had noticed how sweet he'd been to her too. But she hadn't because Yuuki is oblivious to anything hitting on her other than Aidou-chan whose obvious.

"Its when you're doing something and a song comes on. And that's your karma for that moment. Or when you turn on the radio and a song is playing that's your karma for the day," smiled Ama. "Its how you're supposed to be feeling and it predicts your day. Music karma is always there."

"Do you really believe that bullshit? Its never always there." Zero huffed hoping Yuuki wouldn't remember what song had been playing and what had been happening for music karma.

And that's when, "I swear, by the moon and the stars and the sky… I'll be there…" began playing. It was like music karma was contradicting Zero. And then Zero became scared shitless that it might truly exist. But he didn't let them see his fear so he slumped over ignoring them pretending that he thought it was stupid as Yuuki tried to think of what song would be great for her and Kaname-senpai. She blushed as her mind wondered to the handsome vampire and she shook her head clearing her thoughts. It could never be. She was a human.

Ama looks over at Yuuki and squeezes her hand whispering, "Are you okay?"

"Hai," Yuuki said with a false smile.

"Lets do your music karma," Shera piped pressing the shuffle button on her Ipod that began playing, "No chance no way I won't say it no no. You swoon you sigh why deny it uh oh. Its too cliché I won't say I'm in love."

* * *

**Later that day**

Shera and Ama call Aidou. He picks up.

"Can you hear me now?"

"What the f***! Stop calling me!" Hangs up.

* * *

**Two hours later…**

"Hello. Aidou speaking."

'He needs to stop answering his phone,' Shera mouths.

"Want to play a game?" Ama asked leaning against a tree from within a bunch of trees watching the night dorm curiously as Shera snickered behind her hands before pulling out her binoculars and pointing it towards Aidou's room watching him run his hands through his hair in frustration. Shera had a laptop open in her lap as well that way it could show them a fullscreen version of Aidou in distress. Because previously the night before they had planned what would transpire this day, had dressed up like maids, and placed a camera in his room that was in the eyeball of his teddy bear… yes Aidou had a teddy bear but it was because Ama had left a note around his neck that said the teddy bear was from Kaname so Aidou had kept it. The note had also stated to enver mention the teddy bear to Kaname openly and that it was a show of their friendship. Aidou didn't question it because he knew he was so great that the Kaname-senpai had to give him gifts. Shera cried the whole time they operated on the teddy bear because she thought it was horrible to operate on a bear, especially when Ama had said, 'The bear is sick. We must operate on our victim.'

They would not miss a second of this no matter what.

"Um, I'm not so sure… who is this? It sounds like that freak whose been calling me and asking if I can hear them! Listen you I'm getting tired of this--"

"The game begins in 40 seconds."

"What game? I didn't say I wanted to play! Are you listening to a thing I'm saying?"

"You have to make it out of the night dorm within a minute after I say go. The school will be filled with a toxic radiation that will kill anyone within it. It is in oxygen form so those around you won't know they'll soon die. You have 20 seconds now before the game begins. But you can't alert anyone. If you do you'll be shot down. Better try and hold your breath Aidou-chan."

"What the hell!? I don't want everyone to die!"

"Then _you'll_ die. Five seconds until the game starts.

"But I don't want to die!"

"The game has started."

"Poison gas," shrieks Aidou covering his mouth as he takes off running down the stairs where all his vampire friends are casually sitting since its movie night, tonight Shiki had chosen Princess Diaries to try and prove his non-gayness. It wasn't working.

"THERE'S POISON GAS IN THE ROOM!" Aidou ducks and hides behind the chairs praying a sniper doesn't shoot him as he crawls across the floor. Everyone stares oddly at Aidou as Shiki said quoting the movie partly –a rather gay moment- while at the same time using it on Aidou, "SHUT UP!"

"Please get out of here Kaname-same! There's poison gas in here," Aidou says coughing as he places a pillow in front of his face. "You'll die in thirty seconds! I'm counting in my head! Quick out!" Aidou pulls on Ruka's arm and slumps on the floor as the 30 seconds pass. He falls to the floor, "I can feel it. I'm dying. Good-bye Kaname-sama. Good-bye cruel world… Ichijou I will keep your secret even in death." Ichijou has not clue what Aidou is referring to. Aidou closes his eyes feeling death upon him.

Shiki kicks Aidou's arm.

_Ah, even in death my spirit can feel his foot. Is that supposed to happen? Who knows? I've never been dead before,_ thinks Aidou.

"Yo Aidou you aint dead baka," said Shiki shaking his head saddened at the stupidness of the vampire before him. Aidou may have been a genius but his common sense was shit.

"Yes I am," whispered Aidou feeling his ghostly lips open and speak. He had to be dead. His eyes were shut forever after all.

"Open your eyes baka you aint dead," huffed Shiki.

"I am too dead," Aidou cries opening his eyes. "Look at me. I'm so pale!" Aidou sits up and motions at his face.

"You're a vampire therefore your skin is white," replied Ruma before returning her full focus on The Princess Diaries movie… well at least half of her focus was on the movie, the other half was on her thoughts of Kaname-senpai which were as followed_: He drank my blood. I wonder if he needs another drink. I want to drink his blood so bad, I bet it tastes better than pocky. Even better than blood is supposed to taste! Does he think I'm pretty? I like rice balls. I want to kill Yuki. I want to kill Yuki. I want to kill Yuki!… Butterfly outside the window! OHMYGOD! Butterfly! Its as pretty as me!_

"I'm dead," huffed Aidou standing up and prancing over to the fireplace and grabbing the poker, "if I weren't dead could I do this?" He stabs his foot. "AH S***! I STABBED MY FOOT!"

"Nah shit Sherlock," huffed Kane.

Meanwhile Ama and Shera are snickering because by now they had come up to watch from the window, since they didn't put any cameras in the den, as Aidou grips onto his foot screaming in pain not realizing that he hadn't really hurt his foot as bad as he actually thought. Oh no. The poker had just barely scraped the side of his pinky toe because Aidou had bad aim. So in short… Aidou is a wimp.


	4. Chapter 4 A 5 Ounce Swallow

A 5 Ounce Swallow & a Coconut

Ama and Shera walked into the strip club dressed in the male night class clothes they had taken, and sat down waiting for Shiki to show up for his appearance. They had bundled their hair into caps and oddly enough they looked better as men than women. Go figure. Where had they found such nice fitting clothes? Which men were close to their size in the world? And which men would let them borrow their uniforms?

Aidou and Kane looked everywhere in the bathroom. "Where the hell are our clothes Aidou?"

"I left them right here! I swear I did Kane," complained Aidou looking around in the clothesbasket he'd brought in. Aidou scavenged around the basket and finally turned it upside down shaking the basket of its contents. Their towels were gone too. Who would do such a thing? Then Aidou found a note that fluttered from the basket to the floor.

We borrowed your crap. Your towels are outside. Along with the rest of your clothes that we took out of your rooms. The front lawn is now decorated rather nicely with your crap… can you hear us now?

**Love,**

**Shera and Ama**

"What the hell? They're the ones who made me act like an idiot," shrieked Aidou referring to the annoying calls. "Oh god there's more," he groaned in pain as he saw more writing, or that's what he assumed it was for they wrote rather sloppily.

**PS: That's right you idiot. Its us.**

"Nah durh," mumbled Aidou.

PSS: Yes durh.

"How the hell did they do that?" Aidou asked looking up at Kane shocked, meanwhile Kane had no idea what Aidou was referring to. All he knew was that his cousin was looking at a sheet of paper, their towels were outside hanging on tree branches, and as he glanced out the window; the day class was stealing all of their clothes outside on the front lawn sighing and gasping at such luck.

PSSS: We're geniuses and can predict your every move.

Aidou says, "Oh yeah," and crosses his eyes.

PSSSS: Stop making weird faces. Your face is already messed up!

"No its not!"

PSSSSS: Yes it is.

"To each their own," he huffed. "Well if that's the only prank they did I think I'll be okay."

**PSSSSSS: Want to play a game?**

Aidou ducks and would've covered his head with a towel but there were no towels around him so he just cowered in the shower shutting the glass door before looking down at the note.

Stop hiding. Jeez we were just joking about the toxic gases.

"At least they stopped using 'PSS.'"

Duh, it was getting too long to write stu-uuupid.

"Kane! This paper is psychic." Aidou hands the paper to Kane who just sees a blank sheet.

"Aidou there's nothing on this sheet. Are you okay?"

"What? How the hell do you not see it?" Aidou places the paper in Kane's face rubbing it in his nose wishing that his cousin would see it. "These two girls are stalking me!" Kane begins to worry immensely about his cousin who is jumping around and holding the paper close to his face at the obvious words that were so distinctly written there. Aidou also worried about his insanity as well though not as much though that's probably because hes had a sneaking suspicion he was on the edge of insanity.

We have magic reappearing and disappearing ink… but it only works for you. And we know what you're going to say because we tried to be psychic for a moment and it worked.

"HOW THE HELL?"

We traded a magical priest for the ink and 10 minutes to be psychic with a five ounce swallow that could carry a one pound coconut. (Author's note: Yeah beat that, a Monty Python reference)

"Where did they find a magical priest?" Aidou walks up to Kane and grabs him by the shoulders shaking him not caring that his cousin was naked and so was he. "The paper said that they got ink only I can see! They traded a blasted swallow and something about a coconut for it! And 10 minutes to be psychic! Why the hell did they trade 10 minutes to be psychic and used it to torment me?"

"Stop talking to the paper! You're freaking me out Aidou," murmured Kane, eyes wide in fear at what Aidou could do to him. Aidou disregards his cousin's advice and glances back down at the paper.

**Are you and Kane gay? We know Shiki has to be gay and Ichijo has to have something in his closet but seriously you two are in the bathroom bathing together. We know you're cousins but still… you're male cousins.**

"WE'RE NOT GAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!" Kane takes a step back.

Ichijo is glancing through his ledgers after the call he had made to check his balance in the bank. "I'm missing a few more hundreds?…. Is my father taking money out? I need to ask Kaname-sama if the prices have raised at the school. They do have access to my account… What if Cross-Kaien is taking my money?" Ichijo gasps wondering if the school headmaster is taking his money and then he remembers how easily amused the headmaster is when it comes to planting and cooking fish, "Nah… but I've got to get to the bottom of this!"

Ichijo pulls out a random Sherlock Holmes cap and a magnifying glass ready to investigate.

Shiki walks into the gay strip club, decked out in a dark purple suit, golden buttons glittering brightly against the light of the club, and a cane in his hand as he looked around the room. Immediately Shiki was scared for his life. "Is this the right place?" He murmured to himself.

The music was sexy, the dancers weren't. They were men, most of them in thongs or speedos shaking their toosheys to other men who gladly threw bills of money at them. As soon as Shiki had flocked in the room most of the strippers had decided that he was the most gorgeous man they'd ever seen, even if he looked like a pimp, and if Shiki was a pimp they wouldn't mind being pimped out by him. One male stripper ran up to Shiki immediately and asked, "May I work for you? I would gladly like to talk to you alone so that we may discuss how I get paid." The male stripped looked Shiki up and down with obvious meaning.

By now Shiki had turned bright red from pure raw anger… then again he had noticed the two male night class snickering in the room who weren't males. He pushed the man aside who hissed, "B****," as Shiki passed him and headed straight for Shera and Ama.

"Ah s***! He caught us! We got to get out of here before he pops a cap in our ass," hissed Ama trying to drag Shera away out of the club before Shiki could make his way through the strippers who admired him and flocked to him.

"But he's so pretty," breathed Shera dreamily.

"Too bad he's gay," said Ama still tugging on Shera who was rigid in place as she stared at Shiki.

"I have an idea," Shera cried clapping her hands and jerking herself from Ama. "Do I still look like a man Ama?"

"What? Yeah a pretty man. So? Why?"

Shera pushed through the crowd headed towards Shiki forcing her way, pushing aside men who gasped at her rudeness and ignoring the other men who pinched her tail, then again they thought she was a sexy man beast. Shiki's eyes glowed angrily as he glowered down at Shera. _Here's my chance to get back at these idiots_, Shiki thought to himself. Sweet vengeance lay before him as Shiki gripped her shoulders roughly jerking Shera in his arms. He would rip off her arms first and use it to beat her to a squishy pulp before he beat her with a banana into submissive death.

"Listen you idiot. You and that Ama BMW are going to regret-"

Shera lifted up on her feet quickly and shut off whatever threat Shiki was hoping to carry out by planting a giant kiss on his lips startling Shiki so that he froze in place. Then she leaned back and shouted to the gay men in the bar, in her best male voice yet, "Oh my! You're giving free kisses all night! To anyone and everyone! Like oh my gosh!" (Author's note: We know gay people do not speak like this and are in support of the gay community, we mean no disrespect, she's poking fun at Shiki because of the on-going joke that he is gay when he is in fact straight) She kissed him one more time for good measure before Shiki pushed her away and he was consumed by the mob trying to kiss him.

"I knew you were gay," shouted Shera to Shiki, "otherwise you wouldn't have pushed me away."

A tumbleweed passes by.

Shera and Ama are gone.

G

O

N

E

Gone like the wind and a person who has passed gas and didn't want anyone to know it in the grocery store aisle.

"How are we going to get our clothes back?" Kane asks his cousin who is rocking back and forth naked inside the shower.

Just then Ichijo pops his head in through the door, "This looks like a job for Sherlock Holmes!" Then Ichijo disappears to get the missing clothes as Kane stares at Aidou and sits down on the toilet, in the pose of The Thinker, and sighs out, "That's it. That's got to be it. Everyone's going crazy."


	5. Chapter 5 Soundproof

Disclaimer: I own nothing Vampire Knight, if I did I wouldn't be putting this on the net now would I?

Author's note: Lee Lee #21 Fried Rice will only show up in this chapter until further discussed. Our friend was leaving us for a far off college so we decided to put her in a chapter. Please enjoy.

Shera and Ama sit within the not-seen-so-often-library-that-people-don't-really-go-to so they could get their work done. Ama had her hair tied back in a bun with a working face on while Shera doodled mindlessly in her writing book drawings of talking muffs. Exams were coming up, in a week, and the class with the lowest score would have to decorate the dance. Even though it was still a week away, unlike some people –cough, cough Yuki-, the two had decided to study far before hand. They had acquired Aidou-senpai as a tutor as well and were annoying the hell out of him.

_Why do I seriously put up with these girls? I don't want anything to do with them_, Aidou thought to himself. _Why? Why? Why? My genius is being wasted!_

"Yo you aren't getting paid $50 an hour for nothing Aidou," growled Ama who'd been glancing up every so often to see the pained I'd-rather-attach-leeches-to-my-nether-regions-and-dance-for-Shiki-who'd-like-it-which-is-disturbing-than-be-here face.

_That's why he was helping out. However he hadn't known that these two would be the ones he'd tutor when Cross Kaien offered him the job._

"Would you stop doodling Shera-san? At least try and be like Ama who is working diligently."

"Done," smirked Ama as she tossed Aidou her math problems. He glanced them over and looked up with widened perturbed eyes, "What the hell is this?"

"My math work."

"I can see that but what about your answers? There are little symbols in places where your answers should be," groaned Aidou as he looked even more closely at the symbols, "What are these anyhow? They don't look like math symbols or Japanese symbols."

"They aren't. I made up my own secret code for numbers and you have to find my answer key hidden in the book," grinned Ama.

"You took the time to make a whole code for your numbers that no one can understand?"

"Yup," nodded Ama leaning her head on her knees as she rocked back and forth grinning from ear to ear.

"Either you are the most annoying person in the world or you're a genius with too much time on her hands to make a code."

"Both," replied Shera as a random blond haired, blue eyed American girl plopped down beside Shera. "Hey guys!" Ama and Shera's eyes bugged out as they immediately squealed in the seldom used library. Aidou tried to shush them because they were being far too loud.

"Aidou we're the only people in here. We can talk all we want and even scream," grinned Ama as she screeched in the library like a banshee on a hot day wearing too much dark make up that was melting in the sun. Aidou cringed. Ama poked him in the ribs encouragingly. "Try it try it." He wouldn't. So she kept on poking him.

"Will you stop poking me?"

"Not until you scream." Shera and the random girl began poking him as well.

"Dammit! Alright! ARGHHHH! AHHH! WAHOO!" Aidou began shouting out as loud as he could and smiled when he realized no librarian was going to come for him.

Then again the librarian had probably realized that the library wasn't going to be used often so had vacated the building a long time ago living on the paychecks that she didn't really have to work for.

… then again maybe not because right at that time the librarian walked in through the building having thought to herself that she could come in and sell the books without anyone noticing, however as soon as she heard Aidou her old training snapped to attention and she walked over to him.

"Excuse me young sir but no shouting in a library," she growled before walking back to her desk thinking that maybe for one day she could actually earn her wage. Then again she didn't want the students within the library to notice that she was smuggling books out of the library to sell on the internet and make some quick cash for her baby mama, yes baby mama because she'd had a sex change and had used to be a guy named Ricky.

"Lily! You're here," cried Shera quietly as she wrapped her arms around the random girl.

"Its not Lily. I changed my name to fit in here. Its Lee Lee #21 Fried Rice," the blond smiled. Aidou cringed. Deciding not to comment on the name Aidou searched through the math book until he found the key for Ama's code. He began checking each problem and realized much to his dismay that all of her problems were in fact, dare he say it, dare he even think it within the confines of his mind… correct.

"How did you get here Lee Lee?"

"Well Shera…"

-Flashback-

Lee Lee came to a fork in the yellow brick road she had been traversing and glanced both ways confusedly.

"Are you lost?" Lee Lee looked up to see a talking scarecrow stuck to a pole of wood in a cornfield. Poor scarecrow. Must've been getting splinters in all the wrong places.

"I don't know which way to go," nodded Lee Lee desperate for a direction to take.

"Well you can go this way," he replied pointing across his chest in one direction and then he swung his other arm in the opposite direction, "or this way!"

Lee Lee looks both ways and shrugged before plowing through the cornfield, knocking over the scarecrow in her wake, and stealing as much corn as she could.

-End flashback-

"A talking scarecrow? How on earth can you believe in such things?" Aidou snorted.

"Well it makes as much sense as talking to a vampire does Aidou," snapped Ama. Aidou became hot under the collar. How dare she not reply to him in a respectful manner… the least she could do was fawn over him but did she do that? No.

"You two need to take your practice test I made for the both of you right now," snapped Aidou trying to shake off the fact that he wasn't giving off the normal response he did when around females. "So Lee Lee # 24 Fried Chopsticks go away."

"#21 Fried Rice," grunted Lee Lee.

"Whatever," he hissed.

"I want to take it too," replied Lee Lee.

"Fine I have an extra copy," he grunted as he ushered the three girls into a small room that was within the library for the purpose of test taking. Aidou handed out three tests to the girls. However due to his ever so charmingly disgruntled mood Aidou switched the normal tests he had intended to give them with much harder ones he'd prepared earlier guessing that the girls would tick him off eventually. It would be nice to see the girls strain under pressure. 'You guys can even work together if you want," he said casually. _Though I doubt you'll pass even with the help. Those problems are ones that even Kaname-senpai has trouble solving._

Before Aidou could make it out of the door Ama got up to sharpen her pencil and bumped into him causing his papers to fly around, "I'm so sorry Aidou-chan," she cried out as she began gathering the papers and placing them back in the folder before handing them modestly back to Aidou. A cute little apologetic look plastered on her face. Aidou just snatched the folder out of her hands and huffed away, but not before turning his head back around to watch her sit down. It wasn't everyday that a human was in such close proximity to him and here were 3 girls. Three girls willing to be near him. He sighed. Why did it have to be _these_ girls?

The girls began working on their papers as Aidou sat outside in a chair watching them through the one window in the wall between their testing room and the rest of the library. He was surprised to find that Ama came to the end of her test in just 20 minutes. _She couldn't have finished so fast, _Aidou thought to himself as he watched her pass a note to Lee Lee and Shera. _Oh she's asking them for help, _he sighed happily having worried that his genius was about to be challenged.

Aidou switched the tests with a harder 1. I bumped into him and got the answer sheet for both of the tests. How did he not notice I didn't sharpen my pencil? Seriously. -Ama

Lee Lee passed Shera and Ama a note.

Is this room soundproof? –Lee LeeNo, not at all. Why? -Sherry

Lets play a prank on your tutor then. –Lee Lee

The girls all smirked as Ama passed around the answer sheet to Shera who quickly finished her test as Lee Lee wrote down what they were going to do. As soon as Lee Lee wrote down her answers they began mouthing things to each other as if they were talking.

Shera pretended to be yelling in the room and bouncing up and down on her toes excitedly in her chair. Aidou quirked a brow. _Are those rooms soundproof?_

Lee Lee pretended to be singing as loudly as she could into her pencil. Ama made faces at Aidou from behind the glass. Then all three began looking at him bitterly and they all as one started "saying" many words in a disgusted tone as if they were cussing him out, which was how it appeared to Aidou.

Really all of them were mouthing odd things however because they did it making crude faces Aidou thought they were cussing him out.

_What they were really mouthing:_

_Shera: I like eggs and pocky. Mixed together. I hope Shiki isn't gay. He's cute. But I can't have him if he is gay because that wouldn't be fair for him. I want chocolate. My hair looks shiny today! Ooh look a ladybug is in here! Oh no! She's not moving! Oh wait! She must be sleeping! -_

_Lee Lee: I don't know what to do! Maybe I should sing an annoyingly catchy song. I like big butts and I cannot lie. You other brothers can't deny. When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung… wow lookit a dead ladybug!_

_Ama: You know I find your meanness Aidou to be really attractive and normally I don't like that. I'm really glad neither of those two are reading my lips because they would think I'm a freak. And I ain't no freak. But you do look really handsome and when I get the chance I'll trip you to see if you got back. And in the process I'll take your wallet and buy some ice cream and pocky. Aww! A ladybug. Its dead. Just like Shiki's relationships._

He really began to see red then and stomped to the door throwing it open and slamming it shut. Aidou glared at all of them who had suddenly gone silent as if they'd been caught doing something terribly naughty.

"What are you doing? Are you even done with your tests?"

"Of course we are," replied Ama handing him her test, "otherwise we wouldn't be having so much fun in here."

"Could you hear us out there?" Shera asked quietly pretending to look fearful that Aidou had indeed heard them.

"No," replied Aidou, his brow quirking, he didn't remember them having any soundproof rooms in this school but then again he didn't know a lot concerning a school with humans and vampires established by an ex-vampire hunter.

"You should try it Aidou," cheered Lee Lee stepping outside of the room and being followed by Ama and Shera. "Seriously try it Aidou. You'll have fun!" The girls prodded him excitedly as they shut the door behind them leaving Aidou with no choice but to stand in the room glaring at them.

GLARES.

GLARES.

GLARES.

Then curiosity won and he asked as loud as he could, "Can you hear me?"

The girls looked back at him confused and mouthed, 'What did you say?' Shera held out a hand cupped around her ear like she couldn't hear anything at all.

"Wahoo," shouted Aidou jumping up and down. "I am young and I am hot. I think Ama is a pain in the ass but ugly she's not," he began to sing. "You girls are the most annoying women I've ever confronted in my life. So annoying I think I may go gay after being with you guys." The librarian had strode over by that time and opened the door.

"What do you think you're doing yelling at these poor girls like that!"

"What?"

And as the liobrarian strode off pulling Aidou by the ear to the buildings outside searching for Cross Kaien's office Ichijou walked in the library with his Sherlock Holmes costume on following the ground with a magnifying class. He kept on walking until he stumbled onto the dead ladybug in the room the girls stood outside of.

"AH! So it seems the money thief has struck this poor ladybug in its prime," he cried. "This has to be connected to the money crime! The ladybug knew too much! I shall avenge you," he cried out clutching the ladybug to his chest. Ama smacked her head immediately believing that the vampire night class was slowly going crazy, a small grin made its way across her face as she thought to herself, _About time!_


	6. Chapter 6 Whose Your Daddy

After having taken the school wide practice test and having scored two of the highest scores possible, perfect scores in fact, the two had been brought to the office.

Why?

Aidou.

It was unacceptable for two dimwitted American girls to score such on the practice test, which even though it was the practice test Aidou clearly had a strong conviction that somehow the two were cheating and he didn't want them to cheat on the real exam so he had explained the situation to Cross Kaien who'd immediately called them to his office. Neither girl knew who had told Cross Kaien this 'nonsense' however Ama could make a pretty easy guess regarding Aidou. Lucky for the vampire he wasn't in the room at the moment otherwise it wouldn't have been just his mortal life he'd be missing but some other parts of his body.

"We didn't cheat on the test," huffed Ama leaning back in her chair until it was only holding her up by one leg as her other feet sat lazily on Cross Kaien's desk. To be honest Aidou was completely dead on the mark about them cheating but he didn't know it.

"We don't cheat," bawled Sherry. _We help each other get a better life, _she thought to herself so she wouldn't feel so guilty. The girls never told boldface lies… they just fabricated things or added things in their heads to make them feel better.

"Why do you treat us like this? Is it because we're different? Because we're American? You can accept the vampire's without question but Americans? No," whined Ama dramatically making her chair fall back into position as she covered her face in her hands shaking with well hidden laughter that looked like she was trembling from tears.

Cross Kaien waved his hand back and forth, "No it isn't because of that! I'm sorry! Its not because of that!"

"I thought you ac-accepted differences. My uncle is a vampire you know," cried Ama. Shera looked up for a moment taken by surprise before pretending to cry again. _Oh that's right. It must be part of the act._

Cross Kaien looked from one girl to the next and cried out, "I believe you! Poor things don't cry! Here's a tissue." He handed it to Sherry and Ama. "Neither of you two would cheat. You're both here to learn our culture so I doubt you would cheat. I didn't question you because of what ethnicity you are. Just a student was curious."

Shera sniffled before asking, "Why do you ask Yuuki-chan to call you daddy?"

"I adopted her a long time ago," replied Cross Kaien.

"Why doesn't she ever call you daddy?"

"I don't know," he honestly huffed.

"Can we call you daddy?" Shera perked up.

"Why do you want to call me daddy?"

"I don't got a daddy," said Shera sadly looking down at her feet as she shuffled uncomfortably. Headmaster Cross Kaien immediately began to tear up and wrapped his arms around Shera happily. "I'd be happy to have another daughter! Especially one who calls me daddy!" Shera's wildest dream had just come true! "Yay we can go to the park together! And you can push me on the swing! And you can tell everyone that I get my looks from you!" Cross Kaien jumps up and down clapping, "Yay I like this."

Ama starts thinking… this could turn bad. At least she's finally turned Asian. Though they don't look alike for shit.

Headmaster Kaien looks at Ama and says, "How about you? You need a daddy?" He opens his arms wide ready to accept the embrace of flowing love that came from being a father with many sweet loving daughters. Aidou walks in the room waiting by the door ready to give Cross Kaien the forms for the new exchange student Maria, as well as glance in and see how bad the two girls were getting it. He keeps himself in check as he watches the happy headmaster beaming with the radiance at the two new exchange students. _What? Why is he smiling? Oh no did they promise to jump out of a cake for him if he kept it quite that they cheated?_

"I have a daddy," replied Ama placing her hands on her hips as she stared at Cross Kaien, "Yup! He's the leader of one of the biggest mafia gangs in America! I get free stuff," Ama said with a bright smile. "That's how I met Shera," she brightened placing a hand on her lip deep in thought, "My daddy knew her daddy and they 'worked' together but something was sold somewhere else and we don't like to talk about it anymore. So we took her in!" She looks back and sees Aidou, turns her gaze back to Cross Kaien cheerfully, "Like my daddy always says…" She glares at Aidou and wraps her arm around Shera's shoulders pulling her close protectively hoping to get the point across to Aidou, " 'You hit us, we hit you!'"

Aidou takes a step back.

"I never heard your daddy say that," said Shera looking at Ama oddly, "Your daddy always quoted Fonzy and Joey off of Friends." Shera snaps her fingers and points them at Ama and nods, "Eyyy! How you doin?"

Aidou takes another step back oddly more frightened of Shera than Ama.

"Wow have you seen the new teacher?"

"Man he's hot," murmured Shera in agreement.

"That's my sensei," muttered Zero slumping in a seat beside the two.

"So Zorro he's ours too now."

"No Ama-chan he taught me how to-"

"Be emo," finished Shera.

"Get a tattoo as a minor," said Ama.

"Be the only Asian whose hair comes out naturally white," said Shera.

"Tame horses," came in Yuuki's comment. She'd decided to join in and give these two Americans a shot.

"Grate on people's nerves," shot Ama.

"Glare girls into silence," piped Yuuki.

"Will you three give me a moment to reply?" Silence. "Sheesh if its not these two its you Yuuki. If I could glare girls into silence I would've tried it on you three a long time ago." Silence.

"He taught me to-"

"Fight vampires," finished Sensei Yagari who stood behind Zero smirking. "Of course such things don't exist," he quickly finished when he noticed the other students in the room staring at him.

"Then how the hell do you fight them if they don't exist?" Ama rolled her eyes at Shera's question and reached out to pat her friend on the back. It was just a thrill sometimes to be near Shera, she was such a wonderful person to watch.

"They're invisible Shera," replied Ama.

"Oh! So he fights them with paint! He throws paint on them, finds them, and fights them until their paint peels off," Shera gasped.

"Yes Shera that is how Zero fights non-existant vampires."

"What about the ones that exist like Ka-" Zero and Ama's hands covered Shera's mouth. Sensei Yagari walked to the front of the class.

"Any questions for me class?"

"Are you married?" Shera piped quietly quickly starting on a series of questions from the other girls who gained courage from Shera's question. Zero shot Shera a seething glare.

"What's your sign?" "Single?" "Dating?" "Abusive relationship?" "Is your eye patch a new style?"

"Boxers or briefs?" Ama shouted out amidst the many questions.

Zero just huffed and left the room obviously annoyed with this lot.

"Guys I'm missing another $400," moaned Ichijou. "How does my money keep disappearing?"

"It has to have something to do with those two girls," growled Aidou. "How do they got this school under their control?"

"That's ridiculous Aidou. They gave me back the checks," replied Ichijou with a bright innocent smile.

"They probably printed your signature onto a lot of checks," stated Aidou. Ichiiou immediately looked up startled and walked over to Aidou peering down at him under his magnifying class.

"How can you know how to do such a thing? Did you take my checks Aidou?"

"Evil girls," grumbled Shiki who was still getting calls from the guys at the male strip club. It appears that the girls had left flyers of him in the male bathroom with his phone number on it. "I'm not gay," he huffed.

"To be honest I think Aidou's fascination with them means he has a crush," replied Rima slumping down into the couch after a dreadfully boring sleepful morning. Evening was approaching fast and she needed her Cocoa Puffs bad.

"Maybe that's because you have a crush on them Ringo," puffed Aidou.

"I'm engaged to Shiki. That guy brooding away," she said pointing at her other half who stared at the wall angrily as if that was going to do anything for him.

"So. Tom Cruise is married," whispered Aidou so quietly that Rima could barely hear it.

"What was that?"

"Nothing," piped Aidou.

"I just don't think those two girls are so bad," she replied getting back up as her stomach growled to go get some food in the kitchen. She reached a hand up to the cupboards to open the cabinets, each inch of her arm bringing her closer and closer to the haven that was her Cocoa Puffs, her existence depended on those in the morning, they were her manna from Heaven, her morning delights.

"Oh Rima," called Aidou from the den, her hand froze, "they came in and ate your Cocoa Puffs this morning claiming there wasn't anything edible in the breakfast hall."

"I'M GOING TO KILL THEM," shouted Rima to the Heavens!

Ravens flew off scattering to the four winds, the trees shook violently, the wind picked up. Ama and Shera who had just gotten out of class looked at one another for a moment before Shera said, "I have a feeling we shouldn't wait for the night class tonight. Almost like an impending doom thing, like we'll die if we see them tonight."

"Y'know I feel the same way," nodded Ama as they decided to head back to their rooms instead.


	7. Chapter 7 We All Deserve to Die

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing of Vampire Knight. I only own the made_** **_up comic relief_** _**characters Ama and Shera.**_

**_Author's note: I'm sorry it took so long and hope you_** **_enjoy this chapter!_** _**Thank you to the fans**_ _**who responded**_ _**and think these stories**_ _**are funny! I just write these for fun for my bud Aya. Please excuse the few curse words in the chapter. Enjoy the random funny-ness.**_

* * *

Those women, those two American women completely ran the school. And what was worse, the vampire class knew it. Kaname had not planned for any human pawns such as those two to enter the mix and he was very much worried for his plans for Yuuki with those two Americans in the equation. Oh he knew they were attached to Yuuki, but they weren't entirely attached on her yet. He needed to give them more bonding time with the vampires so they could have attachments to the night class as well. The stronger their attachments, the stronger their need to protect each other. And so Kaname had proposed to the headmaster a devious plan. One that would propose bonding between the night class and the two women.

* * *

Ama and Shera watched from afar. They were always near when situations such as this arose, and so it was no shock that they had found themselves coming across such a scene in the middle of the night. They had been walking the grounds without permission to go sneak into the moon dorms when they'd caught sight of Yuuki standing in front of Zero as a shield in the fountain of water, blood ran around in clouds in the once pristine water. In front of a drenched Yuuki stood a hot older guy with one eye, who had what appeared as a shotgun pointed at Zero's heart and a cowboy hat on his head. "Are there cowboys in Japan?" Shera asked in a whisper to Ama who pondered at the thought. When the man tilted his head Ama and Shera realized it was Professor Yaguri.

"Damn, and I thought America was violent," whispered Ama to Shera as they looked on from behind the trees. "Heck, I wonder what Zero did to deserve this. Get an 'F' on a quiz?" Shera elbowed Ama to shut her up so they could listen on without being caught. Neither American teens were aware that a few trees behind them Aidou and Shiki were also looking on. The two males had decided for revenge on Ama and Shera, for Rima had decided to take her anger out on them instead when Ama and Shera hadn't showed up to see the night class in their glory like normal. When Rima went without her Cocoa Puffs she was like a fiery demon that had arisen from the pits of hell after waiting in line in hell for a sale at Gap only to find that they'd run out of the cute tank tops said demon from hell wanted. The two male vampires had originally been headed towards the day dorms when they too had stumbled across this scene. Aidou and Shiki had noticed the two female humans without Ama and Shera noticing them. Then again Aidou and Shiki were vampires, stealth was a common trait for them that was easily obtainable, that and Shera and Ama were oblivious of things most of the time.

At that moment Cross Kaien came running, huffing and puffing, he stood in front of Yuuki, yelling at Yaguri, "This is exactly why I hate vampire hunters!"

'Vampire hunter.' Ama mouthed to Shera, though they had suspected as much after learning the day before from Zero that Yaguri had trained him. Shera mouthed back excitedly, 'Like Blade! Do you think he knows Blade?' Ama smacked Shera upside the head and rolled her eyes.

The two older men argued and finally Yuuki and Zero were out of the pool of water. Yaguri took a drag on a cigarette he had popped in his mouth to ease the tension and the headache the headmaster was causing him. Cross Kaien really was an annoying man. Finally, after ten minutes of arguing, the four around the fountain had left. Ama and Shera stood there for a second in silence when a hand fell on both of their shoulders and the girls jumped with a shriek. A duet of deep male laughter danced in the trees as Ama and Shera turned to glare at Shiki and Aidou.

"You two should go to your rooms before you get in trouble," stated Aidou feeling elated at the fact that he had scared Ama. Now Aidou could die happily in the knowledge that he had scared one of the women that had found it her purpose in life to torture him without pity.

"Oh yeah! What about you two, huh? You should be in your rooms too! What're you doing sneaking out here?" Ama poked him in the chest, her anger rising at the fact that she and Shera had finally been scared. Oh, but their revenge would come in tenfold to this small black mark on their reputation.

"Making sure creeps like you don't stalk the grounds," said Aidou. The two were eye to eye arguing, Ama standing on the tips of her toes, neither noticing as Shera shyly waved a finger at Shiki who decided to be polite and offered her a stick of pocky, which she graciously accepted.

"I thought you guys drank blood and didn't like… y'know normal food," Shera said with questioning eyes.

"We do both. Blood is like our choice of water so we still need food," Shiki shrugged.

"That makes sense," said Shera nibbling on the end of her pocky. Neither the two pocky eaters noticed behind them Aidou and Ama were still going at it arguing heatedly. Bright blue eyes clashing with green ones. Forehead pushing on the other's forehead for dominance.

"Oh yeah, well you're a stalker! Y'know that Aidou! Everywhere I go you're there!"

"Says the person who calls me all the time, Ah-ma," he said dragging out her name like a curse. "Don't think I don't know its you!"

"I honestly think you two like each other," interrupted Shera quietly, her small voice silenced the duo from their ranting and arguing.

"Impossible," they both shouted, each covering their mouth when they realized what they'd done. As a silence ensued a song played on Shera's Ipod, "Can you feel the loveeee tonight…." Ama's eye twitched as Shera said, "Booyah! Music karma doesn't lie!" And was carted off behind Ama as the young woman stomped off knowing she was defeated by music karma and wasn't going to try and explain it to Aidou. And Ama was embarrassed by the blush in her face, she was slowly liking Aidou. The two males looked at one another for a second in pure silence.

"Want to pretend like this never happened?" Aidou asked as Shiki nodded his head in agreement.

"Zero isn't a vampire right?" Shiki nodded again, they were both willing to ignore everything they saw tonight for the sake of sanity.

"I don't think Ama's cute." Shiki didn't shake his head 'no' or 'yes', he just pointedly bit into his pocky and walked off leaving a fuming Aidou behind him who shouted, "I don't!"

* * *

The following day the girls noticed, as they sat beside their friend Yuuki, that Zero was missing. They tried to cheer up Yuuki by asking if she wanted to prank phone call Aidou, but to no avail. Nothing would bring a smile to the young woman's lips. Not even when they ordered twenty pizzas for the class and paid for the food with Ichijou's money they were still continually stealing from his bank. The rest of the class was confused at the fact that so many pizzas had been ordered, but even the professor had announced for a free day when he'd found his favorite anchoive pizza. Not even a bouquet of roses, also paid for by Ichijou's money, delivered to class could cheer up Yuuki. Nor an airplane flying by the school, also paid for with Ichijou's money, that had a banner saying: **Smile Yuuki! We love you!**

Soon Yuuki exited the class with a downtrodden face. "We'll do something for her," said Shera determinedly as the two left their class and waited in the shadows of the hallway for the night class to enter. They wanted to talk to Kaname. As soon as the class had entered Shera and Ama moved closer to the door waiting for Yaguri to finish introducing himself to the group of vampires. The two women felt the furious aura flowing through the room and were disturbed, though they had to get in the classroom if they wanted to see Yuuki smile again. They were two women on a mission. Luckily, Yaguri's 'chat' with the vampires was coming to an end when he said the he would allow for the class to be cut shortly after informing them of his profession. The two young women came skipping into the room as a dagger was thrown at the professor. Shera 'eeped' and Ama froze up, hands balled up ready to throw a punch. Yaguri luckily had a book in front of him that had captured the knife before it had been able to cut him or worse, embed itself into his face much to the desired effect of the vampire that had tossed that.

"I will receive this in memory of having vampire students," said Yaguri nodding with a laugh at the threat that had been on his life.

Shera turned to huff at the students, pointing a finger at them like a mother would a bad child, "Weapons aren't allowed in school stupids! You could've hurt him!"

"Really?" Ama questioned with a frown marring her face as she pulled out a gun from under her skirt. Aidou's eyes widened. Ama placed the gun on the desk along with three knives, a glock, some poison darts, a wire, a pack of cards, a bouncy ball, and a safety pin. "Sorry, I didn't know," she said sheepishly as Yaguri looked at all of the weapons before pushing them into the trash can beside his desk with a shake of his head. Yaguri left secretly hoping he would never find out how much women truly carried on their persons. Before Kaname had made it down the rows of desk Shera approached him, "Kaname-senpai!" He turned to look at her.

"You dare speak to Kaname-sama," began Ruka, but Kaname held up his hand immediately shutting up the edgy blond. Her spine froze up and she just glared at the two women who had obviously gained favor with Kaname to speak to him, two _human _women.

"Kaname, Yuuki is our friend and we know you know where Zero is. Tell us please," Shera begged. Shera ignored the hiss from Ruka from her use of Kaname's name so freely without the honor at the end of it.

"You can't expect me to allow you to put Yuuki in danger," he said with a tilt of his head finding this new development much to his liking. The two girls cared about _his_ Yuuki it seemed.

"Look here, she won't be in danger if we stand between her and him. We'll go with her," piped in Shera nodding her head, trying desperately to help Yuuki.

"Don't you think if such were the case I would stand with her-"

"Hell no," interrupted Ama. "I don't question your honesty that you'd stand there, but I highly doubt you wouldn't do everything in your power to talk Yuuki out of going to visit him. Besides, there are some things that are better done with girls and friends, we're her girlfriends and we're Zero's friends. So just tell us what we want to know already Kaname. If you don't we'll just go about searching the grounds until we find him and we'll still notify Yuuki. At least this way you're saving us time."

Kaname sighed and acknowledged them with a hint as to where Zero was being kept. "South wing of the school. You'll find him, I've no doubt." He stared at them for a moment before issuing a warning, his eyes glowing red as he said it, trying to intimidate the two, "If Yuuki gets hurt…" He left it at that for their imaginations to fill in what would happen to them.

"We're her friends Kaname," hissed Ama, "not crazed vampires." And on that note the two girls stomped out leaving Ruka fuming at how her 'dear sweet Kaname' had been treated and called a 'crazed vampire.' Aidou normally would've fallen suite with Ruka, but he was still in a daze that Ama had treated Kaname like an equal, that and the fact he liked it when she was irritated with someone other than himself. Shiki stared after Shera, watching her little skirt move and sway like a tulip dancing in the sweet wind of the summer morning. Rima slapped Shiki across the backside of the head, "If you must stare at her at least do it subtly," she hissed. Rima too had been staring and continued to do so.

"If you're going to stare at her at least pretend to do so in a platonic way," snapped Shiki to his fiancée. As the night class left Aidou hung around the back to steal the deck of playing cards in the trash that had been Ama's and walked out whistling with them in his pocket. They would be added to his treasures. And when he would look back at the pack of playing cards Aidou would fondly remember how Ama snapped at someone who wasn't him, but the great and powerful Kaname.

* * *

"Yuuki, this way! Quick," breathed Shera running down the hall with Yuuki close on her heels and further behind them a huffing and panting Ama.

"Hey guys," wheezed Ama to no avail as she chased after them, "Can't yah..." she panted some more, "...slow down!" Shera began pounding on the door that she and Ama had found was Zero's after peering through all the windows outside of the south wing of the school.

"No one's coming in," growled Zero from behind his door. He knew there were three people outside of his door, and guessed who two of them were, though he was unaware as to whom the third member of the party was.

"He won't let us in," said Shera feeling defeated at this. Before Yuuki could say anything Ama stepped up, after having finally made it to the door, and banged as hard as she could in a frantic manner, as if the school around them were slowly burning down.

"Let us in! There's an emergency! Yuuki was attacked by Kaname," shouted Ama fully getting Zero's attention. The sound of metal was heard behind the door as the door was unbolted by the seven locks on the inside. _**That's too many locks, **_Ama thought to herself rolling her eyes, _**and what good will it do for locks inside when he's the vampire and he can open them? Man, Zero isn't the smartest lightbulb.**_

"Where's the bast-" Zero's words were cut short when he saw Yuuki smiling hesitantly in front of the door, Ama smirking with her foot in the doorway now so he couldn't shut it, and Shera giving a meek little wave. Finally they pushed Yuuki in and said, "We'll stay out in the hallway to give you some privacy." Zero nodded, thankful at their kindness. It was an odd thing for them to do, but what he needed to tell Yuuki should be done in private. As soon as the door was shut Shera looked to Ama.

"We're really not going to just stand out here are we?" Shera asked as Ama smirked and grabbed Shera's hand. They took off to go peer in through the window outside. 'Hey,' mouthed Ama pointing towards another window, 'he has a window in the bathroom.'

'Perve,' mouthed back Shera who immediately felt an acorn hit her head for that comment. 'What?'

'Stupid! They're going in the bathroom! It looks like Yuuki's unbuttoning her shirt.' It only took a moment for Shera to debate with her conscience at this fact. One part of her wanted to be a good girl and not be nosey by invading upon the privacy of others. But a larger part of Shera wanted to rush over towards the window and watch to see what was happening, and also should anything be happening video tape it and blackmail Zero so Kaname wouldn't kick his ass. Shera's bad side won out and she watched alongside Ama as Yuuki slammed Zero into the wall of the shower.

"I didn't know Yuuki had it in her," whispered Ama with widened eyes before pumping her fist and saying, "Go Yuuki! Kaname's gonna be ticked!"

"This is so wrong. I feel like we're violating them," hissed Shera immediately feeling guilty. What if Yuuki and Zero were about to declare their love or something?

"Could you move your head? Its in my way," came a voice.

"Shera you're right beside me," said Ama elbowing her friend.

"That wasn't me," said Shera with bent brows.

"Then who?" The two women turned to see Aidou and Shiki trying to peer over their shoulders, the girls had gained six inches from standing on some flowerpots to see into the window. Ama almost fell off but Aidou caught her elbows with a fanged smile.

"What're they doing?" Aidou asked standing beside Ama to peer in.

"We're invading someone's privacy," hissed Shera, stomping her little foot and almost falling had Shiki not grabbed her waist. Shera felt her heart skip a beat to be held in the arms of Shiki, she didn't notice how he lightly inhaled her scent, just before standing her up back on teh flower pot. There was a long pause of silence followed by Aidou's quiet, "So what if we're invading their privacy?"

"Ah, she shut the shower door," growled Ama dejectedly, her face was pressed up against the window. Ama turned to look at Aidou who was gently sniffing at the air, eyes closed in relish at this new scent that invaded his nostrils as well as Shiki's.

"I can smell blood, her blood," said Aidou opening his bright red eyes that turned with menace to stare at Ama. He grinned making his fangs jut out and leaned in making Ama freak out and stiffen up. He placed a long finger against her chin to tilt her face just before he snorted and said, "Fooled yah! I've got a little more control than stupid Zero y'know." Ama punched his arm causing Aidou to flinch at her cruel pain.

"Ass," snipped Ama. "So I guess he bit her then huh?" Aidou nodded in agreement.

"Didn't Kaname threaten us if we didn't protect her?" Shera asked watching as Yuuki and Zero came out of the shower, blood dripping down Yuuki's neck. All four students ducked so the duo wouldn't catch them and waited until they heard the bathroom door shut.

"We'll blame it on them," said Ama pointing to Shiki and Aidou. Shera's Ipod went off at that moment.

"...For the rest of us death will be a relief, we alllll deserve to diiiiiie," sang Shera's little Ipod in Johnny Depp's beautiful melodic voice signaling the music karma for the moment. They all looked at each other for a moment before Aidou looked at the silent Shiki, and as if reading his mind, answered Shiki, "I agree." Aidou turned his head to the females, "How about if he asks we say you two decided not to bring Yuuki here and instead went out for ice cream with us?"

"Kaname wouldn't believe that we all honestly went out peacefully-" Began Shera before Aidou cut in.

"We'll say you two put laxatives in our ice cream," he answered.

"Okay, I'd buy that excuse," nodded Shera.

* * *

Kaname finished talking to Cross Kaien. His plan would be put forth into action the next day. His plan was to bring the two females closer to the night class as well as his dear Yuuki, if things worked out perfectly they'd risk their life for her at the drop of a hat and possibly the vampire students as well. When Kaname came across Yuuki it hurt him to know that she wouldn't be frank with him and tell him the truth, that she allowed Zero to drink her blood. He would have to question that Ama and Shera who had promised that they'd protect Yuuki, though he had hoped for Yuuki to allow Zero to drink from her blood, he still disliked it when people didn't try to obey his orders. That, and if he made them fear him it would make his task so much easier for them to watch Yuuki more diligently.

* * *

**The next morning.**

"Excuse me," interrupted Cross Kaien walking into the day classroom. "But I need to speak to-"

"Yuuki and Zero?" The professor huffed having already guessed whom the headmaster needed with an irritated sigh as he pushed his glasses up on his nose.

"Not just them, Ama and Shera," interjected the headmaster haughtily. Shera stood up and said in a cheerful voice, her eyes lighting up with stars in them , "Daddy!"

"Daughter," he cried out throwing his arms open as Shera ran down the stairs to hug her adopted daddy.

"Idiots," muttered both Zero and Ama as Yuuki followed down the stairs confused to how many kids Cross Kaien felt like adopting. They all stepped out into the hallway, Cross Kaien would've hugged the other three, but they all gave him a look that had him stepping a foot backwards away from them.

In the quiet recesses of the hallway Cross Kaien said with a bright smile as if he were announcing something grand to the four teenagers, "Tonight you four will be allowed to participate in the night class so you are excused from your lessons for today!"

"Sweet," cheered Shera jumping up and down pumping her fists in the air.

"What's the catch?" Zero asked with a cryptic eye. The two men stared at each other in awkward silence, neither blinking. A bead of sweat trailed down from Cross Kaien's face as he finally said, "It's a new class we're trying out… drivers ed."

"What?" Zero and Yuuki both shouted as Ama and Shera jumped around excitedly.

"We can do this!" "I love driving!" "We drive everywhere in America! Bring it on!" Went the exclamations between the two Americans, their voices blending in as one so neither one was distinguishable.

As if it were a foreboding of what was to come for Zero and Yuuki, Shera's little Ipod went off playing, "We're on the highway to hell…"

* * *

_**To be continued...**_


	8. Chapter 8 Drivers Education

**Disclaimer&A/N: I own nothing of Vampire Knight, except Ama, Shera, and Sensei Sheep. Again this is for the purpose of making my friends laugh but I'm glad some of you guys like it too! -grovels- And I'm sorry it took so long! But just so you know we've got a list of things to introduce to VK now bwahahaha Thank you for reading though and for the reviews! -glomps readers-**

* * *

"Today we're going to start something new that's never been tried before in this academy," broached the headmaster Cross Kaien as he stood in front a batch of the night class students. The only day class students there were Yuuki, Zero, Ama, and Shera. They got to join in because they knew the race of the night class students and Cross Kaien loved trying to improve progression between the sets of students so why not start with students who knew what the night class were. Ruka and Kain were missing from the group of vampires, they'd run off to the mall after getting a text from Aidou that said: **Just saw headmaster! You do not want headmaster to talk you into this. I was talked into this. Run!**

"Today we are going to try driver's ed!"

"Yay," shrieked Ama and Shera together! However, they were the only enthusiastic ones in the group of students. For the rest of the classmates a gray cloud of dread hovered over their heads at being forced out of their normal schedule of classes for something so superfluous as learning to drive, especially since many of them had their own personal drivers. "I love driving," said Shera with a beaming smile as she bounced like a hyperactive bunny from one foot to the next.

"Be that as it may, we're driving in Japan Shera-chan, not America," grinned Cross Kaien delighted that someone actually enjoyed the idea of a driving class. Kaname watched on intrigued in the back with what was going on. His eyes swept across the students in a measuring look, they were spread out in their own little numbers, most of them avoiding Zero entirely, some standing near Yuuki, Ruka glaring at the back of Yuuki's head, and most were standing a distance away from the two American girls. It was his job to get them closer. He needed them working as a unit and if this class didn't help bridge that gap for the plans he had laid, then he had other solutions to further establish a friendship.

"All of you will draw out a name and whomever you get is your teacher for driver's ed. We've split it evenly." Silence as the headmaster waved a hat in his hands that was filled with little slips of paper. "Don't all come at once," he said sarcastically when no one ventured forward. Ama and Shera darted forward fighting over the hat, like it was the last ice cream bar on a hot evening, until they both got a wrinkled up slip of paper. Cross Kaien took the hat from them, little hearts floating around his head at having two daughters who were so enthusiastic at lessons.

"Who did you get Shera?"

"Cross Kaien," Shera said cheerfully beaming back at her 'adopted' father with equally mushy hearts floating around her own head. "I got daddy," she cried smiling at Cross Kaien who joined her in a strong father-daughter loving hug both with goofy smiles on their faces. A dark anime rain cloud came above Ama's head as she slumped dejectedly.

"I got friggin' Sensei Yagari," read Ama aloud with a moan of anger.

"You know I'm behind you right?" Sensei Yagari asked with an annoyed voice as Zero snickered at the thought of Ama bothering the hell out of Yaguri. Ama ignored her sensei and whined, "I don't want to be separated from you Sheraaa-wahhh!"

The other students ventured forward and pulled out slips of paper praying they didn't get stuck with those two idiots. "Who did you get?" Yuuki asked Zero. They got the normal teacher that lectured both night and day class before Yagari replaced him; no one knew his name to be honest. "Sensei Sheep?"

"I got him too Zero! I didn't know we had a new professor," cried Yuuki going over to respectfully bow an introduction to the 'new' teacher.

"I'm not new! I've been teaching you for a year and you always fall asleep in my classes," huffed the teacher very much put off at the fact that none of the students remembered him. Sensei Sheep had just taught them the morning before!

"Hmm, it appears I have Sensei Sheep as well," replied Kaname stepping up beside Yuuki with a bright smile on his face. His own slip of paper had been blank and if anyone dared say they were with Sensei Sheep he knew they would whither and back down under his gaze and say they were mistaken.

"Oh no! I got Yagari," moaned Aidou as he eyed Ama who immediately glared back at him and made a slitting motion across her throat.

"I got him too! Aidou-chan it can't be that bad! Ama-chan's really a sweet girl," smiled Ichijou. Ama smirked evilly behind Ichijou and gave Aidou a look that read 'I'd kill-you-for-a-Klondike-bar.' Aidou glared back at her over Ichijou Takuma's shoulders. Ichijou Takuma had no idea what Ama was capable of. Then again, Ichijou was still oblivious to the fact that Ama and Shera were cutting through his bank account in thin slices.

"That leaves us with Cross Kaien," huffed Rima as Shiki stared at Shera for a moment. The little American girl blushed at being allowed with Shiki in the small confines of a car. However, a rain cloud suddenly hovered over Shera's head… Shera liked Shiki… Rima was Shiki's fiancée… Rima was riding with them… awkward.

"Okay who wants to drive-"

"I WILL," shouted both Ama and Shera jumping forward to their cars and sitting in the left side of the car only to find their hands clutching at an empty space where the steering wheel **should've** been.

"Daddy why are your cars messed up?" Shera asked with such an adorable and innocent face that Cross Kaien had to snap a quick picture of her.

"You drive on the other side stupid," Aidou replied rolling his eyes at Ama. Ama got out and stomped over to the other side, not without stomping on Aidou's foot in the process. Aidou began jumping up and down falling backwards into the open door of their car in the backseat. Everyone else followed suite, though not in the same manner as Aidou and Ama, and got in their cars.

The drivers were Shera, Ama, and Kaname.

"Okay, I have to warn you… I'm a speed demon," Shera breathed silently feeling like she was letting out a dark and guilty secret.

"Its okay! Just try your best and we'll try to tamper your speed down," smiled Cross Kaien buckling up for safety sake. Shera pulled back her foot to press the gas. Shiki held onto the bar above his head wondering how fast Shera would drive. Rima waited for it, the moment when she'd be thrown back. Shera shifted the car into gear and her foot slammed onto the gas…

They went at five miles an hour. "I thought you said you went fast," Shiki said tilting his head wonderingly.

"Oh, I'm sorry! Am I going too fast?!" Shera cried out worriedly as she immediately dropped the speed down to two miles an hour.

"So Shiki have you been having a good day? You look good…" Shiki's ears perked up, "I mean you look well," Shera quickly finished after casting a glance back at Rima who was staring at Shera in the reflection of the side mirror. Shera glanced over to that mirror and freaked out. "You two are a perfect couple," she quickly finished not wanting to get on Rima's bad side nor wanting Rima to find out she was developing a crush on Shiki.

"So Shiki do you like to go to the beach sometimes? Not that I'm asking if you'll go with me," Shera said quickly. "Not that I'm saying you don't look good in a pair of trunks. You probably would. Not that I've fantasized or anything!" Shiki smirked as he watched Shera squirm under her nervousness. He knew she liked him and it was an ego boost, but he loved watching her blush and squirm under his gaze. Shiki had never met a human that knew of them and actually wanted to befriend him, normally his aloof and quiet manner drove people away, with Shera though it wasn't the case. She talked to him. Always. She was relentless.

"I'd love to go with you to the beach one day," he said allowing Shera to turn crimson once more upon hearing his voice.

"I'm sure you look cute in a bathing suit," Rima said licking her lips at the thought as Shera turned five shades of white being immediately freaked out by Rima.

* * *

Everyone buckled in Ama's car as she adjusted her mirror and then sat very composedly in front of the steering wheel fixing her hair and adjusting her black uniform, she patted down her skirt and smiled to the others. Aidou knew something terrible was about to happen when he saw that smile. Ama never smiled for any other reason unless it meant she was up to something and this smile read: Danger. Beware.

"Aren't you going to start?" Sensei Yaguri inquired.

Ama turned around like she was about to give a lecture and said as primly as she could while starting up the car, "Okay class, today we will be touring Japan and during this tour I will explain to you how the society of Japan is like drifting." At first they all thought that Ama would drive like Shera was driving just a few feet in front of them, slowly at two miles an hour. Nope. Instead Ama revved up the engine and sped off around the parking lot shifting the car so that it drifted along the practice roads they were being guided by with the GPS in the car. Aidou and Ichijou ended up pressed against each other. Sadly their seatbelts were unable to hold them in from the force of gravity that threw them against Ichijou's side window. Sensei Yagari also had his face pressed up against the glass pane of his side of the car.

"Japan has always been known for its turns in the century-"

"What the hell?" Aidou asked trying to push himself off of Ichijou. Ama took another turn and this time Ichijou was pressed against Aidou. Sensei Yagari clutched onto his chair fearing being thrown into his student's lap.

"Where did she learn how to drive like this?" Sensei Yaguri said as his cigarette flew out of his mouth and onto the floor. He stomped it out with his foot while still keeping hold of the chair. Sensei Yaguri went to pull on the emergency brakes. His fingers were so close to their salvation… and then Ama sent them on another turn.

"My father was a mob boss," answered Ama, taking her eyes away from the road to smile at Sensei Yaguri.

"Eyes on the road!" Aidou shouted from the back!

"SHUT UP BACKSEAT CHARLIE!" Ama yelled back at him making Aidou freeze up where he sat in Ichijou's arms. Aidou was sure he'd died in that moment a bit, no one had ever yelled at him like that, no one had ever yelled at him period. "Now, as I was saying, Japan's society began at first as a dominant male society-" Ama said as she spun around another turn.

* * *

Kaname sat there in the driver's seat. Sensei Sheep pushed his glasses up on his nose and promptly stared inquiringly at Kaname. "Aren't you going to start the car?"

"Yes, give me a moment," replied Kaname as he rolled opened his car window and shouted, "Ichijou."

"Can you please stop the car for a second Ama-chan? I think Kaname-senpai needs me," Ichijou asked as his face tilted out of Aidou's shoulder to speak. Ama slammed on the brakes, Aidou was thrown forward and over the seats into her lap with the brakes squealing in the cars wake.

"I knew it," Shera cried from her car going at three miles an hour past Ama. Shera was busy waving one hand pointing at Ama and Aidou like she found Ama with a grimy secret. Ama blushed scarlet knowing what her friend meant with that look and accusing finger. Aidou shifted uncomfortably in his seat in Ama's comfy lap, sitting right on her lap. Their faces were so close that when she looked down her chin brushed against his forehead. They were so close to each other. They could practically taste the warm breath of the other. "Aidou… can you do something for me?" Ama asked blushing a bright red as she leaned in whispering to him. Aidou's face heated up as he too leaned forward. It was at that moment Aidou's face met Ama's forceful hand as she pushed his face away, "Could you get off me?! Sheesh! Give a girl some space!"

"I hate teaching," grumbled Sensei from his seat lighting up a very-much-needed cigarette after riding with Ama. Aidou embarrassedly scrambled to the backseat.

Ichijou walked over to Kaname in his car and gave a quick bow, ever so ready to be of assistance to the powerful vampire student. "Yes Kaname-senpai."

"I need to start up the car," Kaname said.

"But of course," Ichijou said reaching forward and twisting the key in the ignition of Kaname's car before he left and got back in the seat of his own car where a red Aidou was sitting in the back huffing over Ama not screeching and kissing him like most girls would've.

Sensei Sheep looked at Kaname and the pure blood said, "What? _I've_ never driven before in my life. Normally someone does the driving for me." And so it was that Kaname and Yuuki switched spots with her in the driver's seat. That left Zero and Kaname to sit awkwardly in the back together, an aura of gloom was now in the backseat. Yuuki looked at the odd contraptions of the car inquisitively. Her fingers toyed with the windshield wipers, the lights, and she pressed the horn giving a quick honk. "I'm a little nervous. I've never done this before," Yuki admitted with an adorable flushed face.

"You can do it Yuuki," breathed Kaname with encouragement.

"Put the car in drive," muttered Sensei Sheep. Yuuki reached forward and clasped the odd little stick moving it and sending the car backwards in reverse whamming into a tree. A lone hubcap from Yuuki's car rolled along the cement where the dust from Ama's car sat along with skid marks from her quick departure.

* * *

Shiki reached forward and pushed down Shera's leg on the gas pedal sending them flying by 70 miles an hour over a hill and past Ama's car which was going 65 miles an hour in a 25 mile speed zone.

"Oh! That's how it is! You want to race! Bring it," shouted Ama. By now Ichijou and Aidou were clutching onto each other scared shitless. Sensei Yaguri had his hand gripped upon the 'oh shit' handle. Every time Sensei Yaguri tried to reach for the emergency break Ama would hurl the car along the cement and send him whamming into his door.

"No! Don't bring it! Don't bring it," cried out Aidou from the backseat as he shut his eyes in fear while hanging onto Ichijou for dear life.

Shera's car was sent over a bump and BAM! Cross Kaien's head hit the top of the car and he was rendered unconscious. "Look what you made me do Shiki! Not that I'm mad at you Shiki because I could never be mad but-ARGH! Daddy Kaien!" Shera let go of the steering wheel and immediately began shaking Cross Kaien with both hands, completely neglecting the fact that the car was still going. "What do we do?" Shera cried waving her arms in the air fanning herself back and forth when Cross Kaien didn't wake up. "What do we do? What do we do? What do we do?"

"Keep your hands on the wheel," shouted Shiki jumping forward across the back seat and trying to take the wheel, his butt waving in the air from where he stood in the back as he tried to control the car.

"Ahh!" The car was heading for an 8 wheeler. Shiki jerked the steering wheel so they dodged it. The male vampire crawled over the seat so he sat in Shera's lap, and then pushed her over to the limp Cross Kaien as he took control. "We're going to the hospital." This whole time Rima had been listening to her Ipod noticing nothing but the way Shera's hair looked beautiful even when she was frantic.

* * *

After having Zero and Sensei Sheep lift and push the car out of the bushes, with Yuki pressing on the gas, and Kaname sitting with a bored expression in the back of the car, they were finally able to get the car out of the ditch and bushes. Sadly enough Sensei Sheep and Zero had forgotten something. Yuki was new at driving and didn't know to press on the brakes to stop for them so they could get in. So the car left them in the dirt running after it. Kaname was clutching onto his seat in the back and Yuki was busy shouting loudly for help like the damsel in distress. Zero kept up with the car, running alongside it. Sensei Sheep was left huffing in the parking lot wondering why Zero didn't sign up for track if he could keep up with a car as well as what on earth medication was Zero taking to be able to do that.

* * *

"Ama I believe its time to trade drivers," said Sensei Yaguri, he was straining not to yell at the young woman. Sensei Yagura was honestly scared that if he decided to raise his voice at Ama she would slam on the brakes and make his head hit the dashboard… again.

"Aw! But I'm not done with my lesson on the society of Japan," she pouted. An evil glint gleamed in her eyes as she slammed on the gas, "Just one more ride around here!" And that was when Sensei Yaguri's fingers finally gripped onto the emergency brake. His fingers closed around the blessed artifact and he jerked on it… sadly the car was being so misused that the brake snapped right off making Aidou and Ichijou cry out in agony,

"Oh no! We're going to die! We're going to die! She's never going to stop driving!"

* * *

**At the hospital:**

"Get him to a medic! Get him to a medic," Shera was crying, tears running down her face with worry that she'd hurt her father. Shiki was carrying Cross Kaien over his shoulder like a bag of potatoes. Rima was sitting down filling out the paper work, chewing on a bit of pocky while she listened to her Ipod. In no time at all the medics took Cross Kaien and ran off with him while Shera was crying in her own little dark corner. It wasn't until she looked up that she realized Shiki, Rima, and her father were gone. Shera ran over to the counter of the nurse's desk.

"Where is he? Where did you take him?"

"Who?" The aggravated nurse asked. This nurse was having a wonderfully awful day. First, she had went to the mall to buy some clothes that were on sale only to have the clothes she wanted taken out of her hand by a dirty blonde wearing a night class uniform on with a very handsome red head behind her that was carting all of her bags. Second, this poor nurse had been stuck in traffic because of a stupid teenage girl that had been drifting up and down the roads causing five wrecks. The police were still trying to track that car. And then she'd stepped on a ladybug when she'd gotten out of her car to walk to work and had received one of the worst glares from a boy riding in the 'drifter car' as it rushed by her being chased by cops. And last but not least, this girl had come in screaming her head off while a handsome boy dragged in an unconscious man.

"WHO DO YOU THINK? MY DADDY!" A dark rain cloud hovered over the poor nurse. They didn't pay her enough for this job.

"Down the hall, third room to your left," bit out the nurse, hand point in the direction where the patient was. Shera ran down the hall looking for her 'father.'

* * *

Ama had finally pulled over and stopped the car off on a dirt road hidden by trees, only because she needed to lay low from the cops that had been pursuing her trail. "You violated 14 rules of driving," wheezed Sensei Yaguri as his hands shook trying to light the cigarette in his mouth as he leaned against the car. Ichijou had begun kissing the safe ground as soon as they'd stopped the car. And Aidou was sitting on the ground, yes sitting on dirt with his pristine outfit, feeling sick to his stomach.

"Aidou you don't look so good," said Ama worriedly as she ran over to Professor Yaguri, grabbed his hat, and ran back offering it for Aidou to barf in. when he had Ama found herself on the receiving end of a harsh glaring from Sensei Yaguri. After which Aidou promptly passed out.

* * *

Shera ran into the room. A body was wrapped up from head to foot in bandages; you could barely make out whom the person was underneath. A curtain was drawn between this person and whomever it was that rested on the other side. Shera ran over to the body casted man and sat down in a chair beside him, tears running down her face as she grasped the poor man's bandaged hand and squeezed. The man inside the cast moaned in pain. Shera didn't even take the time to wonder where Shiki and Rima were. All that concerned her was her 'father.'

"Daddy I'm sorry for all the rules I've broken! I'm sorry for getting you put in the hospital!" Shera looked down at the body casted man with sweet eyes, her nose sniffling here and there. "Most of all I'm sorry for not thanking you for being the greatest daddy ever everyday and putting up with Zero, Yuki, Ama, and myself. You have to deal with a lot with us and the night class. And since no one else will do it I'm going to apologize for not taking the time to thank you daddy."

Just then Shiki drew the curtain to the other side of the room back. Rima sat bored out of her wits looking through an underwear catalogue in her own chair and Cross Kaien had woken up and stars were beaming from his eyes as hearts flew around his head. "SHERA!"

"DADDY!" The young woman squealed, raising her arm and accidentally knocking the man in the body cast in the head as she rushed over to Cross Kaien's side hugging him tight. Rima got up and walked out of the room when her cell phone rang, it was her modeling agent. Shiki also got up ready to leave the room and give the two some privacy, he halted at the door to cast a quick glance at Shera bouncing up and down as she sat next to Cross Kaien, the two were prattling on about something trivial. Shiki said quietly so that no one else could hear, "Thank you Cross Kaien." And walked out of the room. Shera really had told the truth, no one honestly thanked Cross Kaien for what he was trying to do, bridge the gap between humans and vampires, help make everyone feel normal and like they had a place in the world where they belonged.

* * *

Kaname patted Yuuki's back comfortingly. It had taken forever until Zero had jumped onto the roof of the car, punched a whole in the ceiling, jumped in, and stopped the car. Sensei Sheep had passed out from seeing that and Kaname had promptly ordered Seiren, who'd appeared out of nowhere, to erase their professor's memory. Yuuki clutched onto Kaname with Zero glaring from where he stood. Kaname smirked triumphantly. It appeared as if Kaname had gained more than just one advantage in bringing everyone together. He'd also gained Yuuki's attentions away from that Zero, even if only it was for a moment.

* * *

"He's heavy," said Ama as she carried Aidou on her back, they were walking towards the school since Sensei Yaguri had forced them to let him drive and had dropped them off at the edge of campus because the cops had pulled over their car, identifying the license plate, and had taken Sensei Yaguri to jail because they thought he was the insane driver. And no matter how many times he yelled it was Ama's fault she'd merely pouted and looked innocently up at the cops and said that her professor had it out for her. They'd taken him to jail with no questions asked and confiscated the car. Ichijou was busy wondering if the nurse who'd stepped on a ladybug was the infamous ladybug killer he was searching for.

"I heard that," came a mumbled voice from Ama's shoulder. She shrieked and dropped Aidou onto the pavement. "OW!"

"I'm sorry! Just don't scare someone like that," Ama huffed bending down to help Aidou back up. Their hands clasped and she pulled him up allowing Aidou to lean on her shoulder. Ichijou's cell phone went off playing, "Can you feel the love tonight…"

"Ichijou. If you turn off your phone," said Ama as her eyebrow twitched in aggravation at the awesome powers of music karma, "I can give you a lead on the ladybug killer." The phone wasn't only turned off but broken in half by Ichijou so it wouldn't come on ever again in Ama's presence as Aidou let Ama take all of his weight with a smirk. Ama helping him back to the school was just the first step in his plan. He'd make her a fangirl of his in no time.

"What do you know?" Ichijou asked pulling out a notepad and pen as he kept pace with Ama.

* * *

**Up Next:**

The night class gets a real treat as Shera and Ama get to take over a lesson since Sensei Yaguri is still in jail. This lesson concerns the 'birds and the bees.' Sadly that's not the worst thing to come to the night class as Shera and Ama both suffer a mysterious disease.


	9. Chapter 9 Birds and the Bees

_**Disclaimer & A/N: I own nothing Vampire Knight. I'm on a writing frenzy & aim to write a new chap for each of my incomplete stories this week (yesh motivation&no school!) This next chap has no Yuki/Zero interaction, they come in the next chap, this is just mayhem caused by our two annoying Americans. It'll be like every 1-2 random chaps & then something that actually happened from the story. -snickers- Don't worry Yuki and Kaname will get their moment to shine soon & Zero will have 1 day where he isn't depressed! Yesh! Hope you enjoy! ^_^ And thanks for your comments! Oh, this chap is the reason for the rating being T other than the language in other chaps, there will be subtle ref... ah who are we kidding? They're in control of sex ed class. I again state this isn't to offend, just to tickle funny bones. And the whole cereal across from feminine products, that actually happened with this alpha and her beta. Enjoy. Props to my beta for the random idea.**_

* * *

The night class didn't know what to expect that night as they waited around in their classroom. By the clock it was already three minutes after the time their class normally began. Then again, their professor Yaguri was still in jail trying to talk the police into believing him about Ama being the driver of that ridiculously long speed chase. For some odd reason the authorities couldn't fathom that an adorable high school student had been driving the car. Then again, the cops hadn't asked for Ama's name, she refused to give it saying she didn't want her name to be tainted. The truth was they would've immediately freed the teacher upon learning that Ama's father was a mob boss. Too bad for Yaguri they didn't find out though.

"It appears Cross Kaien was unable to get us a professor," said Ichijou already getting up and packing his bags. Ichijou was ready to begin his case once more, he would someday find that ladybug killer and bring them to justice! Before the pretty-boy vampire could get any further with putting away his books the shrill sound of a whistle echoed in that room as the door opened and two pairs of feet came stomping. The vampire's flinched at the loud sound of a whistle being blown. Like the black plague that swept through Europe inspiring fear in all, so did these two pairs of feet that followed the shrill noise.

"Oh-" Shiki began, his eyes dilated with fear.

"Hell," Aidou hissed covering his eyes at what he saw.

"No," groaned Ruka slumping into her seat at what came through those doors.

"Due to your professor's absence we will be teaching you today," said Ama pushing up a pair of glasses up her nose, she'd taken them from Cross Kaien's room to give her the look of a teacher. Shera wore similar glasses. Unknown to them, at that moment Cross Kaien was searching all over his office for his glasses and his spares. Ama and Shera wore the night class male uniforms, trying to be manly teachers, truth was those uniforms looked strangely like Aidou and Shiki's that they'd sent to be dry-cleaned the day before. Shera dutifully opened up the lesson plans while Ama opened up the roll call to check down who was and who wasn't there.

"Hmm, it appears Aidou has yet to appear in class," said Ama chewing on the end of her bright red pen.

"What're you talking about I'm right here!" Aidou cried out indignantly from his seat waving a fist at her. Ama looked around the class as if searching for the ill-tempered noble. Aidou went so far as to stand up and wave his arms at her, but Ama shook her head and pretended to mark him absent as her eyes swept over him like he was invisible.

Shera cleared her throat and began class by reading off the paper that Cross Kaien had given her, "Today's lesson is one that is required. None of you may skip out on it no matter how old you are…" Shera raised her brows. "How old are you guys? The oldest has to be what… 20?" Shera's eyes settled on Kaname's head. Ruka glared at Shera for daring to look at the handsome pureblood whom she adored. Then again, Ruka had boundary problems with who looked at her man.

"Continue with lessons please… Sensei Shera," said Kaname, getting tired with where the lessons were going, or in this case weren't going. Shera immediately brightened up at hearing Kaname speak. That was the first time he'd spoken to them… ever. And he'd called her sensei!

"Okay today we're going to learn about the birds and the bees," sang Shera, reading directly from her cue card that Cross Kaien had dutifully written for them. Everyone's eyes widened and their mouths hung wide open, including Ama's own pair of lips.

"No! He did not give us those lessons! We aren't qualified for that," said Ama reaching over to grab Shera's cue cards. "First off you're too innocent to read these… umm…" Ama's eyes scanned what they would've been reading and she blushed heavily for once in her life. Seeing something that rarely ever happened Aidou quickly took a picture on his phone and snickered quietly, he had blackmail on Ama, he could show the world that she was capable of being embarrassed. Ama ripped up the cue cards and tossed them in the trash. "We'll go on what we know… Shera, you start."

Shear stroked her chin and then clapped her hands as she remembered the tale from her parents, something she remembered long before Ama's family took her in. "Well, my parents used to tell me that when you get married you make babies. They said if you make babies before marriage you'll die a horrible death after seven years of bad luck." Everyone just stared at Shera wondering if she seriously believed that until they all realized the same thing. This was Shera. She believed most everything someone told her. Rima thought it was adorable and began a vivid sketch in her notebook of Shera in a drawing much like the Venus de Milo.

"Your father was very strict on your virtue Shera… none of that is true," said Ama running a hand through her hair as she tried to explain to her innocent little friend. This was great, the stupids teaching the stupid.

"You're one to talk. Your dad wouldn't let you even meet a boy until you were twelve," snapped Shera.

"Next lesson," shouted out Ama, trying to skip this bit of information as she ran over to her purse and began to dig around until she found **_it_**. What Ama found was the thing most men feared most upon seeing. In fact, most men never wanted to see **_it_** in their lives. It was so terrifying that automatically all the men in the room scooted back an inch in their chairs, all except Kaname who was staring at the item in Ama's fingers with a bemused expression wondering if she really was going to show it to the class with an explanation. What Ama held in her hands was the scariest thing of all… at least to **man**kind… a small and very feminine tampon.

"This is something that stops the bleeding. Not to be confused with a nose plug for when your nose bleeds," explained Ama. Upon seeing the fear instilled in the faces of the boys, Ama smiled widely and tossed it at Aidou who shrieked like a girl and jumped from his desk to run over and sit behind Kane. This was a moment that would haunt Aidou for the rest of his immortal life, and he knew he would never be able to sit over at that spot again since that dreaded thing had touched his writing area.

"I want all the men in the class to turn around and look at the females in here," said Shera as authoritatively as she could, pushing the glasses up even further on her nose. When all the guys in class had turned and glanced at the girls in class Shera proceeded with her lesson. "Once a month those same girls become evil. The only thing you can do to protect yourself is stay out of their way or give them food. How long their time of evil lasts varies from girl to girl. Sadly, it has been scientifically proven that when one girl starts it there is a chain reaction to those near her and they can fall in sync together." That's what all the men feared in the class. They wished that girls could just settle on a day or so and be done, but no, they each had to be different. And when together they all could join as one clump of horomones and turn on the males brutally together.

"Now about safe sex," said Ama sitting on top of her desk and casting an eye over the class as if looking for the ones with 'Guilty' written on their foreheads for indulging in things. "The safest thing to do is…" Some of the students leaned in listening, Aidou just wanted to know if Ama knew what she was talking about. "Don't do it! And if you must do something…" Ama said hopping off the desk and walking over to her favorite subject of humiliation. Ama picked up Aidou's hands, despite his tries at pulling his hands away she jerked on his arms hard enough to cause a bruise, and held them up for all to see, "you have two useful hands for outlet." With that said, Ama dropped his hands and grinned the whole way back to the teacher's desk while Aidou suffered smirks and laughter from his classmates. Shiki looked pointedly at Aidou with a raised brow. By now Aidou understood every gesture Shiki made and he hissed out, "I don't do that." Shiki raised his other brow. "I swear," he hissed back, his teeth gritting down like the teeth of a shark. All Aidou wanted in life now was to live one day without being teased by the Americans... that or one day to torment Ama. Sadly, Aidou knew not to wish for miracles any time soon.

"Ruka could you please stand up?" Shera asked politely and so Ruka actually did what she was told. "Ruka is the most beautiful girl in class, we all know this." Ruka's ego grew a bit as she straightened up and puffed out her chest hoping that her dear Kaname had heard the praise over her delightful figure. "But she has an attitude problem." Ruka glared over at Shera who continued with lessons with a bright smile on her face. Shera either noticed Ruka's harsh gaze and ignored it or was completely oblivious. Since it was our adorable Shera we'll go with the latter. "Now multiply that by twenty and you get one average pregnant woman. Thank you Ruka. How many of you men can even deal with one Ruka?" No one raised their hand but Kane. "You're a strong man, sugar Kane." With a huff Ruka slumped daintily down into her seat, she'd seen that not even her precious Kaname had raised his hand and he'd actually been paying attention with a small smirk on his lips. Ama and Shera both tapped their chins trying to think for a moment before Ama's eyes widened at something. Shera, upon seeing her friend's eyes, quirked a brow at her.

"Shera…" Ama murmured quietly looking between Shera and the rest of the night class. Ama leaned over to whisper in Shera's ear and Shera too got wide eyed. "Should we?" Shera nodded her head fast and the two walked over until they stood in front of Kaname. "Um… we might be teaching the class wrong… but do vampire babies come the same way as human babies?" The night class students were about to get up as one and attempt at beating down the two Americans for asking Kaname such a stupid question, **attempt** is the world considering these two girls were evil and kept coming back. The night class students would've tried something, but something unexpected happened. Kaname burst out laughing. It was a sound that few had ever heard come from the pureblood king. In fact, Ruka couldn't believe her ears and wanted to stake the two women right there for making him laugh while at the same time wished she had a recorder to commemorate such a moment. Aidou, who was busy curled up in a ball behind Kane's seat, sat up and wondered if Ama and Shera had finally gotten to Kaname and broke him. Ama and Shera smiled brightly and Aidou got a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as did the rest of the night class, Kaname's laughter was just encouragement for those two.

"If so, maybe we should demonstrate to the class eh Kaname-sama," said Ama grinning broadly while Shera nodded in agreement. No one was immune to the charms of the pureblood, absolutely no one. Ruka stood up to attack the two girls, Kaname continued laughing, Ama raised a fist ready to take on Ruka, Shera raised the roll call booklet to beat Ruka with, and then something unexpected happened… again. Our favorite vampire hunting teacher, Sensei Yaguri, came running into the class with his shotgun raised up and pointed at Ama. He had a new hat on, it looked like a safari one, since his favorite one had been used previously as a vomit bag for Aidou.

"Oh-" Shera began with wide eyes.

"Shit," said Ama. And just as Yaguri pumped his gun the two girls disappeared out of the window next to Kaname's seat. They were gone.

G.

O.

N.

E.

Like the enticing beer that sat out in the open at an alcoholics anonymous meeting.

* * *

Something was up with Shera and Ama. They were acting the complete opposite of how they normally acted… or in this case Shera was acting like Ama and Ama was acting like her…

It all started like in a scary movie… it was raining… the clouds were dark, there was thunder outside of the classroom, Ama and Shera had missed their day class due to some odd 'sickness' they'd said, so they were allowed to sit in with the night class… And as they slumped to their seats not energetic at all, rather lethargic… an ominous cloud hung in the air. Sensei Yaguri was still a little twitchy, wanting to get back at Ama, but Cross Kaien had threatened to report him if he did. In fact, Cross Kaien had taken Yaguri's beloved gun so he wouldn't be tempted. And all the vampires could smell blood but they rationalized it as a wound on the two girls. It wouldn't surprise the men of the night class if those two women got into a fight with someone and finally got wounded. They just wondered who'd been tough enough to hurt the two American women all of the vampires seemed to fear.

And then Sensei Yaguri opened his mouth and began that night's lesson, "Today we are going to talk about the earth, how it came to be, what it is made of… the shape of the earth being round-"

Shera's eye twitched and she glared at Sensei Yaguri, who picked up on her negative mood, and asked the only sweet girl of the two Americans. "What's wrong?"

"What's with you talking about the earth being round? Is that some reference to my ass," growled Shera. Shiki, who'd just placed a bit of pocky in his mouth, bit so hard on the pocky that he began to choke at what Shera had said. Never had Shiki heard a vulgar word nor a really angry sentence from the girl who sat beside him. And Shera practically radiated the mood of a warrior about ready to beat the crap out of someone.

Ama began crying hysterically into her hands, as if she'd just been told someone had hit her pet puppy with a car. Aidou's eye twitched and he suddenly began freaking out because he'd never seen Ama cry before. And she was sitting right beside him… and crying into his shoulder of all places. Ama's sweet smelling tears were landing on his pristine white outfit, yes it was ruining the clothes, but he could smell her sweet tears and skin. If he leaned in closer with her neck so exposed he could bite her. Perhaps have just a little taste of the evil that ran through her veins and gain some of the power she had as the epitome of evil in his life. But before Aidou could bite her, Ama raised her head up to look at him with doe sized green eyes full of tears, an adorable mess, and said four words he never expected to hear.

"Tell me I'm pretty," Ama cried. And then her eyes lit up completely changing her mood as a newfound light came into them much like the bright and bubbly mood Shera normally carried. "You're cute Ai-dou!" Ama said stretching out his name teasingly as one of her fingers began tracing his elbow and a cute blush came to her cheeks. "Want to cuddle?"

"Ama I believe you need to move before I bite y- What? You want to cuddle with me!" Aidou was in such a state of shock that Ama readily snuggled into his arms and he just froze for a moment unable to move and unable to believe that this was actually happening. His only reaction was when his hand began to pat her back. The whole class was silent. Hell must've frozen over at some point that day.

"Listen you! We are not talking about how I look or feel because my fuse is short and I will not be talked down too," Shera cried out waving a pointed finger at a very much unnverved Sensei Yaguri whose hand was edging towards the knife he had under the desk for such occasions. "Don't make me get up from my desk you mediocre man!" Shera said standing up from her place. Yaguri had never thought he might have to use the weapon on a human student of all things, at least a human student other than Ama.

"I'm not talking down to-" He began, speaking loudly so she could hear him.

"Why are you raising your voice at me? You feel that because I'm a woman you have to speak down to me," Shera cried lifting up her chair in anger and thrashing it across the desk to throw it at their teacher. Shiki's eyes became the size of silver dollar coins and he shakily scooted over in his seat from Shera. "I never thought you'd be a sexist bastard Sensei!" Shera reached over for the chair with Shiki in it and picked it up despite the fact that Shiki still sat in it. Shiki nervously chewed on his pocky and closed his eyes hoping this was all a dream, Shera would go back to normal, and put his chair gently down on the floor.

"Shera-chan-"

"Oh so its chan huh! Where's my sempai? Why don't you treat me the way you treat Kaname? Is it because I'm a girl! A woman!"

"Please put me down Shera," whispered Shiki, his eyes still closed in fear. Shera turned her face to look up at the terrified vampire whom she loved dearly.

"Now you're going to pick on me! You want me to put you down because you don't think I can handle holding you up! You're sexist too Shiki! I thought you were special-"

"Please Shera-sempai put the other student down," begged Sensei Yaguri

"Oh so its 'sempai' now? Now that I've got the power you treat me with respect! If he was down would you treat me with that same respect?!"

"All I want is a Snickers and a Midol!" Ama said crying once more into Aidou's shoulders as she murmured huskily into his ear all the while nuzzling the appendage with her nose, "Aidou, darling will you get me a Snickers please? If you do I'll let you bite my neck!" She tilted her head all cutely and Aidou's fangs grew, he covered his mouth. If he bit her Kaname would kill him. In fact, the pureblood was watching on with fascination, as if waiting to see if Aidou could restrain himself. Aidou did not want to be smacked by Kaname… for the third time that month.

"What's wrong with the world?" Aidou cried from behind his hand ready to cry at the more than willing girl who he couldn't bite or he'd die.

"They're on their cycles," stated Ruka as the rest of the men in the night class, and Rima, freaked out.

"Someone understands us!" Ama cried out, jumping up from Aidou's warm lap to run in joy over towards Ruka. Ama embraced Ruka, making all the men in the class gasp, except for Kaname but his eye did twitch at the sight. Ruka stared down icily at the human who was hugging Ruka as if she were Ama's soul mate and best friend. "Oh Ruka! You do care about us to notice what's wrong!"

"Shera-chan. Sempai… Shera," Yaguri stuttered over her name nervously wondering what to call her because now that Shera had Ama's fire it appeared as if she would kill Yaguri should he mess up. With Ama's fire possessing Shera he would never win and so he edged closer to the door.

"Oh no you don't! Don't you even think of trying to leave scaredy cat! Get back here you sexist pig-" Shera took off after Yaguri with Shiki clutching tightly onto the chair the whole time because she still hadn't put him down and it appeared she was planning on using him as a weapon.

Ama raised her trembling head up from where she had it buried in Ruka's chest and looked back at the icy vampire male she loved to tease. This time there was an almost murderous look to Ama's eyes as she quietly asked, "Aidou! Where's my Snickers?"

* * *

And so it was that Shiki, Ichijou, and Aidou were at a grocery store, not a fancy Tiffany's store buying a diamond studded watch nor a brand new car, but a plain and ordinary grocery store where 'commoners' shopped.

"What's on the list again?" Shiki asked as Aidou tried skimming over the little slip of paper once more. Ichijou rolled past them on the grocery cart with his hands in the air calling out, "Look what I can do!" He was like a kid in a toy store ever since he'd gotten a hold of one of the buggies.

"We got her a Snickers… I got her five of those," said Aidou. "Well um… next is… the feminine…. Items." Aidou's cheeks colored at the mention of those items.

"Pads and tampons," replied Shiki easily while his friend trip faltered over the words. It took them a whole ten minutes to find the aisle since there were no butlers catering to their needs like in their usual grocery stores. And it took a whole ten minutes more to gain the courage to approach the aisle. When they did Aidou was very much distressed and disturbed.

"Why do they have the cereal across from the feminine products?" Aidou asked as Shiki called up the girls just to make sure they were on the right aisle. He too was disturbed at the idea that their breakfast products came across from the feminine hygiene.

"Shiki," squealed Shera into the phone. "Are you guys heading back yet?"

"No," muttered Shiki over the phone as Aidou reached over and grabbed it.

"We were searching for your… lady products-"

"Pads," replied Shera over the phone making Aidou flinch at that cursed word.

"Yeah and we don't know if we are on the right aisle." Suddenly he and Shiki could hear the phone shuffled about and then Ama was on the phone.

"You're on the aisle with the cereal right?"

"Why did they put it on that-"

"I want some cereal now! Get me some please! Oh Captain Crunch Peanut Butter and Shera wants some Rice Krispies! Oh we love cereal when we're on our curses-"

"That's why," replied Shiki wondering if it had been the intention of cereal makers to ask stores to specifically put their items in front of the feminine products on the off chance that they had the munchies and wanted some cereal to snack on while on their cycle. Oh Ama and Shera had definitely jumped on their cycles and run Shiki and Aidou's asses over with them. Ichijou was squealing as he rode the buggy past Aidou once more, Shiki reached out and tugged on it making the blond lurch back, as he began tossing in the cereal they wanted. Ichijou had to get himself cereal after noticing Ama and Shera's and ran up and down the aisle inspecting each box until he decided he needed to try one of each.

"Well… which brand do you girls… use?" Aidou asked skittishly on the phone. "Do I get tampons?"

"What? Are you trying to give us shock syndrome?" Ama's furious reply came back.

"So pads it is?"

"You want us to wear diapers!"

"What do you want to wear?"

"Just knock me up so I don't have to go through this pain!" Ama was practically crying on the other line. Aidou was speechless as Shera took the phone from Ama. Shiki also took the phone from a dazed Aidou who was staring off into space, eyes wide circles, mouth wide open, hair spiked up from shock, and skin tone pale.

"Just get whatever looks right for us. And don't forget pocky Shiki! We can share when you get back," piped up Shera before hanging up on them. The two looked at one another before Shiki pointedly looked at Aidou who'd regained his color and a blush to his cheeks. Aidou shrugged his shoulders at what Shiki was saying in his one gaze.

"How am I supposed to know what looks right for them? I don't use… products like that," Aidou huffed as Ichijou ran to get another buggy for all the cereal he wanted.

Twenty three boxes of cereal later –thanks to Ichijou-, pads and tampons of every shape and size, boxes of Snickers, boxes of Pocky, an Aspirin for Shiki and Aidou, a yoyo for Ichijou, and a four boxes of Midol… the men stood carrying in with all their strength the bags upon bags of stuff that they had just bought. Ichijou was placing out bowls upon bowls of cereal bowls onto the table, he was determined to go through all those bowls pouring out cereal from each box into each one and try them all separately so he could determine which cereal was the best for his delicate stomach. Ama and Shera had just run down the stairs to find Aidou and Shiki huffing from sheer ex Ichijou was bringing out bowls upon bowls to put on the table determined to try each cereal. Ama and Shera had just run down the stairs to find Aidou and Shiki huffing from sheer exertion as they leaned upon the walls next to the stairs.

"We got what you wanted," groaned Aidou falling over onto the floor in exasperation.

"Oh thank you! You guys are so sweet," cooed Shera. "But we just got over it!" Her eyes closed in happiness and a huge smile lit up her face. Shiki froze where he leaned against the wall and was unable to move. Aidou fell face first on the floor where he'd been sitting. Aidou pounded a little fist on the floor bitterly.

"You…. got… over** it**?" Aidou mumbled from where his face was connected to the floor. He swore if he could die right there he would. Life was so cruel to him.

"Yup," stated Ama walking over and grabbing just one Snickers. Just then Ruka ran into the room, tears streaming down her face as she glanced at the others.

"I'm on mine now," Ruka stated accusingly like it was Ama and Shera's fault. Then again, as Ruka had learned from the sex ed lesson, it could very well be Shera and Ama's fault for causing a chain reaction. Ruka ran over to see the bowls laden with cereal in the kitchen and her eyes widened significantly with joy as she beamed at Ichijou.

"I love cereal! I wish they had it on the aisle next to the products at our rich stores," she said. Ruka ran to the fridge and then came back out of the kitchen looking like she was about ready to cry. Ichijou tilted his head waiting for Ruka to speak up. The other two males knew that it was inevitable… hell was beginning once more and it would never end for them. In fact, hell hadn't ended for them since the two Americans showed up, they brought out the worst in everyone. They were never given a break. And so it was with heartfelt eyes that Ruka said to the three men, "You forgot the milk."

* * *

**To come next:**

**Halloween is coming up for Cross Academy. Can you guess what the Americans will dress Yuki as? Those three give new meaning to trick or treat. But what do we have here? Ama and Shera fight! Over what?! W****hat will ensue for the night class when the two American's teach them about the awesome powers of the Superbowl?**

**Tune in next time ^_^**

**Subliminal message: You will go watch vampire knight right now & then you will drink hot chocolate & pretend its fall again...**


End file.
